|
Post by julystorm22 on Dec 18, 2019 22:37:57 GMT
I looked two weeks ago just to look and there seems to be a lot fewer users in my area. Also 90% of the ones there, were also there a year and a half ago. Some of the ones on there are players who are aiming to shoot fish in a barrel--thinking (well, actually KNOWING) that of the mostly single moms on there, that someone will be lonely and easy to attract and sleep with them. These guys have fun going from woman to woman to woman and its quite easy for them because they've figured out how to lure them in. About 10% of these guys are sleeping with all the women. Meanwhile 80% of the guys can't even get a date because they are so awful at chatting with women online or have horrible profiles (or they are short). What I've learned is that of the 10% of good catches which exist on POF, most of them are gone quickly as smart women snap them up but sometimes they resurface when someone doesn't pan out.
It never takes me long to find a guy. I think, if I was judging by my own successes on POF, I'm really good at chatting online with a guy but I struggle with the real life stuff. My real problem is my self-esteem from being overweight. I think I'm okay as a temporary companion but I don't believe anyone will stick with me because I'm not pretty enough for them to be their girlfriend. I don't trust a guy not to use me. I always wonder if he's just using me for quick sex and I don't have the confidence or willpower not to sleep with him quickly. And I constantly look for signs that he's not into me. If there's a whiff of him not really liking me, I quit seeing him. Sometimes I wonder if a guy is just playing it cool, playing it hard to get and if that's the case it does the opposite of what he wants.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Dec 18, 2019 23:02:38 GMT
If you ever wonder if he is just using you for quick sex then maybe , just maybe don't put out lol?
A guy will treat you the way you allow him to treat you.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Dec 19, 2019 1:09:14 GMT
Feminism isn't a magic spell, or a disease of some kind you know. No one is transformed by it, no one has to adopt every aspect and tiny portion of the entirety of what gets called "feminism." If you think there's no way to have equality under the law, and equal opportunity in business, without totally discarding romance and thorough commitments to each other, you are horribly mistaken. Far as I'm concerned, equality is equality. It's not a "pick n choose" proposition. If ya want equality, ya got it!...and that applies to the legal aspects AND social aspects. Now, cuz I'm older, I still observe more traditional practices on the social side, such as buying meals on dates. But at the same time I totally understand the men - mainly younger - who kinda whine bout women choosing the areas in which they wish to be equal. As in...being "equal" enough to take their job...but NOT "equal" enough to pay for a first date. LOL!! ~~
|
|
|
Post by cooldog65 on Dec 19, 2019 4:32:12 GMT
The scammers are pretty easy to spot. They're usually Instagram type pictures of women less than half my age that are way hotter than the regular people.
|
|
|
Post by julystorm22 on Dec 19, 2019 6:43:46 GMT
If you ever wonder if he is just using you for quick sex then maybe , just maybe don't put out lol?
A guy will treat you the way you allow him to treat you.
Yes, but I'm usually worried about quick rejection so I sleep with someone right away before they can reject me so they keep me. I know I need to be strong enough to not sleep with someone right away but sex is almost a panic response for me.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Dec 19, 2019 10:09:15 GMT
If you ever wonder if he is just using you for quick sex then maybe , just maybe don't put out lol?
A guy will treat you the way you allow him to treat you.
Yes, but I'm usually worried about quick rejection so I sleep with someone right away before they can reject me so they keep me. I know I need to be strong enough to not sleep with someone right away but sex is almost a panic response for me. I'd hold out which is hard sometimes, but stick to it so you get what you actually want deep down as not to self sabotage .If all you want to do is scratch that libido itch then go for it. All I can say it is a tricky thing because I ended up with someone for 17 years that was initially just lust(FB) back in the day.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Dec 19, 2019 20:35:44 GMT
Feminism isn't a magic spell, or a disease of some kind you know. No one is transformed by it, no one has to adopt every aspect and tiny portion of the entirety of what gets called "feminism." If you think there's no way to have equality under the law, and equal opportunity in business, without totally discarding romance and thorough commitments to each other, you are horribly mistaken. Far as I'm concerned, equality is equality. It's not a "pick n choose" proposition. If ya want equality, ya got it!...and that applies to the legal aspects AND social aspects. Now, cuz I'm older, I still observe more traditional practices on the social side, such as buying meals on dates. But at the same time I totally understand the men - mainly younger - who kinda whine bout women choosing the areas in which they wish to be equal. As in...being "equal" enough to take their job...but NOT "equal" enough to pay for a first date. LOL!! ~~ I don't blame the younger men in the least. Any man who allows a woman to tell him where he's going to be old fashioned and where he's not deserves whatever he gets. I know too many men have who become total cucks just to have someone in their lives, and they usually end up getting dumped eventually for not standing up for themselves.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Dec 19, 2019 20:49:39 GMT
I looked two weeks ago just to look and there seems to be a lot fewer users in my area. Also 90% of the ones there, were also there a year and a half ago. Some of the ones on there are players who are aiming to shoot fish in a barrel--thinking (well, actually KNOWING) that of the mostly single moms on there, that someone will be lonely and easy to attract and sleep with them. These guys have fun going from woman to woman to woman and its quite easy for them because they've figured out how to lure them in. About 10% of these guys are sleeping with all the women. Meanwhile 80% of the guys can't even get a date because they are so awful at chatting with women online or have horrible profiles (or they are short). What I've learned is that of the 10% of good catches which exist on POF, most of them are gone quickly as smart women snap them up but sometimes they resurface when someone doesn't pan out. It never takes me long to find a guy. I think, if I was judging by my own successes on POF, I'm really good at chatting online with a guy but I struggle with the real life stuff. My real problem is my self-esteem from being overweight. I think I'm okay as a temporary companion but I don't believe anyone will stick with me because I'm not pretty enough for them to be their girlfriend. I don't trust a guy not to use me. I always wonder if he's just using me for quick sex and I don't have the confidence or willpower not to sleep with him quickly. And I constantly look for signs that he's not into me. If there's a whiff of him not really liking me, I quit seeing him. Sometimes I wonder if a guy is just playing it cool, playing it hard to get and if that's the case it does the opposite of what he wants. Lots of slim ladies sleep alone. You decide your value,not others.You are giving off that vibe to people if you feel that way about yourself and users pick up on it quickly. Just in your posts you come across insecure to me. You are very pretty, so if that's what you are worried about then stop. Most women are built like Kelly Clarkson these days.NOT Heidi Klum. Dont use sex to pacify your feelings of inadequacies, it will make you feel worse( but you know this).
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Dec 19, 2019 21:26:14 GMT
I looked two weeks ago just to look and there seems to be a lot fewer users in my area. Also 90% of the ones there, were also there a year and a half ago. Some of the ones on there are players who are aiming to shoot fish in a barrel--thinking (well, actually KNOWING) that of the mostly single moms on there, that someone will be lonely and easy to attract and sleep with them. These guys have fun going from woman to woman to woman and its quite easy for them because they've figured out how to lure them in. About 10% of these guys are sleeping with all the women. Meanwhile 80% of the guys can't even get a date because they are so awful at chatting with women online or have horrible profiles (or they are short). What I've learned is that of the 10% of good catches which exist on POF, most of them are gone quickly as smart women snap them up but sometimes they resurface when someone doesn't pan out. It never takes me long to find a guy. I think, if I was judging by my own successes on POF, I'm really good at chatting online with a guy but I struggle with the real life stuff. My real problem is my self-esteem from being overweight. I think I'm okay as a temporary companion but I don't believe anyone will stick with me because I'm not pretty enough for them to be their girlfriend. I don't trust a guy not to use me. I always wonder if he's just using me for quick sex and I don't have the confidence or willpower not to sleep with him quickly. And I constantly look for signs that he's not into me. If there's a whiff of him not really liking me, I quit seeing him. Sometimes I wonder if a guy is just playing it cool, playing it hard to get and if that's the case it does the opposite of what he wants. Lots of slim ladies sleep alone. You decide your value,not others.You are giving off that vibe to people if you feel that way about yourself and users pick up on it quickly. Just in your posts you come across insecure to me. You are very pretty, so if that's what you are worried about then stop. Most women are built like Kelly Clarkson these days.NOT Heidi Klum. Dont use sex to pacify your feelings of inadequacies, it will make you feel worse( but you know this). Here is the thing. July needs to realise her worth. I agree she is a decent looking lass and yes, Most Women are like a size 16 or more these days. Lots of factors like height come in too.
I watched an Interview with this Lady and you'd think they'd be all over her. But it took her years to find her one because they just assumed she wouldn't be interested.
|
|
|
Post by julystorm22 on Dec 20, 2019 0:18:55 GMT
If I was to meet someone in real life, the weight thing would not bother me so much. The problem is that its online. If a guy asked me out in real life, I'd know weight wasn't an issue, if a guy actually asked me out it would be because he liked me. But online, guys just simply message girls until one replies back and I end up wondering that if they meet me, but are not completely into me, that maybe they'll put me in the "She'll do for now" category. It's not even necessarily about weight. It's just that you wonder if they really like you when you meet. I'd feel much better if a guy got to know me in person before we went out because then I'd know if he asked to go out that there was genuine interest. Also, guys have been jackasses online and I've been messaged questions about weight a lot and some guys have quit talking to me when I've told them.
I have real self-esteem issues and I recognize them. It's something I need to work through and what it comes down to is that I have to be willing to risk rejection instead of panicking and sleeping with a guy and a while later panicking and ending things with them because I am scared of rejection. The last guy I was with I liked but one night he didn't show up when he said he would and the next afternoon he told me he had just fallen asleep so hadn't come. I didn't buy it and ended things with him a few days later because the incident really made me question if he liked me or not. And I have replayed some of my insecurities with past guys and I actually think, upon review, that I had good reasons for feeling insecure. Maybe it's not in my head. Who knows...
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Dec 20, 2019 1:00:21 GMT
If I was to meet someone in real life, the weight thing would not bother me so much. The problem is that its online. If a guy asked me out in real life, I'd know weight wasn't an issue, if a guy actually asked me out it would be because he liked me. But online, guys just simply message girls until one replies back and I end up wondering that if they meet me, but are not completely into me, that maybe they'll put me in the "She'll do for now" category. It's not even necessarily about weight. It's just that you wonder if they really like you when you meet. I'd feel much better if a guy got to know me in person before we went out because then I'd know if he asked to go out that there was genuine interest. Also, guys have been jackasses online and I've been messaged questions about weight a lot and some guys have quit talking to me when I've told them. I have real self-esteem issues and I recognize them. It's something I need to work through and what it comes down to is that I have to be willing to risk rejection instead of panicking and sleeping with a guy and a while later panicking and ending things with them because I am scared of rejection. The last guy I was with I liked but one night he didn't show up when he said he would and the next afternoon he told me he had just fallen asleep so hadn't come. I didn't buy it and ended things with him a few days later because the incident really made me question if he liked me or not. And I have replayed some of my insecurities with past guys and I actually think, upon review, that I had good reasons for feeling insecure. Maybe it's not in my head. Who knows... I have never asked a Woman her weight in my Whole life and if a guy ever ask you online. Just ignore. He is a lil boy.
A lot of guys do the she will do for now and I know that 100% as I've had friends of the past as I've posted take advantage. I have viewed POF at work and had the get it banged comment said to me. It's like they think it makes them more of a Man. These types scrape a fk here and there and why they message everyone they can find.
It's ok to feel insecure. It human to do so.
|
|
|
Post by Behind Blue Eyes on Dec 20, 2019 5:20:06 GMT
In my lifetime, I've had more women pick me up and use me to scratch an itch, than I have done it to them. I can only remember one time, where we both went into it, knowing it was a ONS. There was a year in my mid 20s, where I had a run of them, where I would have liked a more long term thing and they didn't want that. It wasn't till later that realized that a group of women were passing me around among them. Never the same one twice in a row. Not that I'm complaining about it.
As for OLD and POF. The last year I've noticed more women, who are not upgraded users, have their email set to only accept messages from ungraded users. I'm not desperate enough to give POF my money, yet. The switch on OKC, that you like them and send a intro message, then they have to search to find who sent a message, is wacko territory. They're making it harder and harder to connect with other people. As they're both owned by Match, there is your common denominator.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Dec 20, 2019 12:04:39 GMT
If you ever wonder if he is just using you for quick sex then maybe , just maybe don't put out lol?
A guy will treat you the way you allow him to treat you.
This is such succinct truth. A few thoughts... take or leave as you wish. The irony for me, July, is you seem so well aware what you're doing. And yet, I only hear of you rejecting them before you fear they will do that to you. In other words, they're not rejecting you. Maybe you could post a full body clothed shot in your online profile pics so your weight is not a mystery, so no need to fear rejection for that reason? You have a beautiful face and many men prefer a not too skinny body too. Think how many men have those chiselled bods from working out all the time? No one I know or met online, nor would I wish to know either tbh. Maybe you could not meet so quickly, so not sleep with them so quickly, so you can establish the possibility of a stronger, real connection before meeting? Maybe you could just say no to your fears in the moment and give yourself a chance to see what else could happen if you don't sleep right away with them? I have never found online dating to produce a real strong long lasting relationship, but have heard of people who have found real love and connection that way. Honour (love) yourself I guess is what will guide you best. Because as spectra says too, if you don't, they won't either.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Dec 20, 2019 13:06:41 GMT
If you ever wonder if he is just using you for quick sex then maybe , just maybe don't put out lol?
A guy will treat you the way you allow him to treat you.
This is such succinct truth. A few thoughts... take or leave as you wish. The irony for me, July, is you seem so well aware what you're doing. And yet, I only hear of you rejecting them before you fear they will do that to you. In other words, they're not rejecting you. Maybe you could post a full body clothed shot in your online profile pics so your weight is not a mystery, so no need to fear rejection for that reason? You have a beautiful face and many men prefer a not too skinny body too. Think how many men have those chiselled bods from working out all the time? No one I know or met online, nor would I wish to know either tbh. Maybe you could not meet so quickly, so not sleep with them so quickly, so you can establish the possibility of a stronger, real connection before meeting? Maybe you could just say no to your fears in the moment and give yourself a chance to see what else could happen if you don't sleep right away with them? I have never found online dating to produce a real strong long lasting relationship, but have heard of people who have found real love and connection that way. Honour (love) yourself I guess is what will guide you best. Because as spectra says too, if you don't, they won't either. ^^^
|
|
|
Post by julystorm22 on Dec 20, 2019 15:52:45 GMT
Loving myself is really hard. My older two kids are always telling me they hate me and saying they wish they didn't have to live with me, are constantly getting upset at me because I'm always working or I don't get them this or that or my oldest says hurtful things like that I'm fat or a loser or other things (all things her dad always said to me in front of her and still says). I love my children so much but they are neither kind to me nor do they appreciate anything I do for them. At least my 3-year-old still loves me and wants to be with me but it gets hard to deal with the older two always saying and doing things. The kids grew up always hearing my ex talk to me a certain way and as a result they have zero respect for me, especially the oldest one. I'm tired of always fighting with them.
My kids were actually good for a while but in the last week, knowing they are going to their dads for 10 days, have been exceptionally awful which is typical for them. And I'm already getting sad knowing they will be gone for 10 days. This weekend I actually have off and it will be a very bleak weekend.
I really need a life outside my kids
|
|