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Post by Deleted on Dec 11, 2019 6:08:23 GMT
That surprises me that there's so many women there that have kids at an older age. Most women I know are finished having kids by 30. Most parents at my kids' school are my age or younger. Parents who are in their late 40s stick out. I had my kids at age 24, 26 and 33. Snap....almost. I had mine at 24, 26 and 36. I raised my older two in England and was average age to the other parents. But I moved back to the States when my youngest was 6, so he grew up and went through school here and then I was older than some of the parents, but not all of them because people tended to have children later in life here then. I did find waiting 10 years to have my third really delayed things at the other end of the spectrum, but they finally all grew up so now they're 37, 35 and 25. At my age now (61) and the last few years, I found there were very few men to choose from in this age group who want a woman the same age. Most want younger women. I also found more often men in their 60's tended to shave some years off their age in their profiles, believing they weren't desirable if close to 70. But a plus was if they had children, most were over 18 so that made things much easier I found than younger when children were much more actively in our lives. Like you though, july, the pickings are slim here because it's a small area. From what I have heard, online dating and meeting tends to be more successful in bigger areas like cities. But I would not wish to live in a city again. Been too many years away from them.
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Post by julystorm22 on Dec 11, 2019 14:40:02 GMT
The disadvantage to dating in a small town is lack of dateable options but that can also be an advantage. When there are only a few options people are less fussy. When you find someone nearby you are more likely to give them a chance and they are more likely to give you a chance. Dateable people are a limited resource. People don't want to just throw others back in the pond to try and find someone better because they might be fishing a while just to get a nibble. Every time I logged onto POF it was the same faces I saw and guys who saw me on there a bit would finally message me because I think they had run out of options. I've started convos with guys that I probably wouldn't have just because it's better than talking to no one. I have gone out with guys I wouldn't usually look twice at in real life.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 11, 2019 15:38:47 GMT
It could be they lost all confidence julystorm22 hence why they didn't message beforehand as people can be very negative and look for reasons not to rather than to proceed. Some Men after not getting replies to many messages can't handle it to well so it could be that. I envy these Men at times because they haven't had time wasted chatting to absolute morons that seem to have an IQ of a piece of wood or turning up to waste of time dates.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 14, 2019 23:26:04 GMT
So she's basically saying that equality/feminism hasn't made women happier? Research has already come to that conclusion. Just venting your prejudices, I see. You obviously didn't read the article. I think Forums' inference is reasonable though, even though the article isn't about feminism/equality. I think it's quite clear the impact of our online interconnected-ness is that relationships - whether that relationship is friendship, business relationship, or lover/LTRs...are devalued. Because it's so much easier to find replacements for such. So much easier to hone in on what you 100% want. It's the age of the consumer, after all, right? Overall, people, commitments and therefore, many social institutions are devalued. Lifetime commitments are folly, because our lives change over time, what we want changes over time, and our desires and interests change over time. Especially of a long lifetime of 70-80+ years, right? Women may be much happier with certain aspects of equality/feminism..ie., more opportunities in the workplace, more financial freedom, etc. but I'm not sure they ever will be happier with the now transactional nature of sex and "romance" that comes with the package. And I put romance in quotes because it's really about "what you bring to the table," and not romance, really that dictates things these days. And as far as marriage...the article states "a joint custodial venture for the raising of children," as if this is the future of marriage. It's marriage now, for the most part. We live too long, we meet too many other interesting and sexy people (besides our spouses) we can pursue way too many other personally fulfilling diversions and interests in life to tether ourselves to any one person our whole life. Marriage is an anachronism. From another time, when there was a practical need for someone to pair up with for life.
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Post by igorfrankensteen on Dec 15, 2019 0:46:56 GMT
Feminism isn't a magic spell, or a disease of some kind you know. No one is transformed by it, no one has to adopt every aspect and tiny portion of the entirety of what gets called "feminism."
If you think there's no way to have equality under the law, and equal opportunity in business, without totally discarding romance and thorough commitments to each other, you are horribly mistaken.
Feminism didn't cause any women to become calculating emotional scientists (my version of the way you say that feminism led to everything in relationships being "transactional.")
I'm very old now. And I know that lots of women were every bit as "transactional" about sex and love before feminism. Marriage was NEVER as universally wonderful as modern myths about the pre-feminist world pretends.
Any woman who is unhappy with "transactional sex," in my experience, is as likely to be that way because MEN are demanding it, as other women.
Remember, feminism also freed women to go after men themselves, more directly.
I see you are also one of the "down with marriage" people. In my view, that lines you up squarely behind the very "transactional" behavior you are decrying elsewhere.
Discarding marriage because you want to screw around more is fine. But feminism has nothing to do with that.
My personal view on marriage, is that it is only peripherally involved with children and sex. It only works, when the people in it, decide that being married, is the life adventure they want to participate in. It has always been that way. People who got married with anything else in mind, end up in unhappy marriages, or start screwing around. I'm glad divorce was made more available, to get more of that kind of people out of the whole scene. It's got nothing to do with longevity. People have been living to ninety for a VERY long time.
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Post by julystorm22 on Dec 15, 2019 6:53:48 GMT
Online dating has made things very transactional.
For me, marriage or cohabitation has a huge financial plus and that's sharing bills and responsibilities. People who are couples have more money for recreation and retirement. People who are single don't unless they have a really good job. And it would be great not being the only one to cook meals, clean the house, cut grass, shovel snow, etc. Marriage and cohabitation also have a couple more pluses: companionship and built-in sex.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 15, 2019 8:24:29 GMT
Online dating has made things very transactional. For me, marriage or cohabitation has a huge financial plus and that's sharing bills and responsibilities. People who are couples have more money for recreation and retirement. People who are single don't unless they have a really good job. And it would be great not being the only one to cook meals, clean the house, cut grass, shovel snow, etc. Marriage and cohabitation also have a couple more pluses: companionship and built-in sex. It's strange you think of all the aforementioned as a guarantee or even a strong possibility in marriage/cohabitation. Many others believe it initially, as well, only to get punched in the face with what we call reality and unforeseen circumstances.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 15, 2019 12:17:17 GMT
July I’ve gotta stop reading your posts, you’re making me (even me) wanna settle down in some nice cozy comfortable relationship. Stop it girl! 😂 I agree with your post.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 15, 2019 12:53:47 GMT
July I’ve gotta stop reading your posts, you’re making me (even me) wanna settle down in some nice cozy comfortable relationship. Stop it girl! 😂 I agree with your post. Don't be going all soft on us now Roxy. Oh wait. That was the last boyfriend
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Post by Deleted on Dec 15, 2019 13:03:48 GMT
July I’ve gotta stop reading your posts, you’re making me (even me) wanna settle down in some nice cozy comfortable relationship. Stop it girl! 😂 I agree with your post. It is my personal duty to lure you back to the dark side.
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Post by julystorm22 on Dec 15, 2019 16:02:43 GMT
I'm not naieve. I was in an awful relationship. Lived with a lazy guy who never carried his weight whatsoever. Couldn't keep a job, always spent money we didn't have on stupid stuff, was unpleasant to live with, rarely helped with housework. But I also know it sucks being alone. I do everything on my own now (even the 20% he did made life somewhat easier) and I can barely keep my head above water. I will always be struggling financially and it'll be even worse when my kids are grown because right now, I collect the Canada Child Benefit (a benefit all families with kids get in Canada, the amount determined by income) and that benefit now makes up over a third of my income so once the kids are gone I won't even get that nor will I be able to claim them as dependents on my income tax. So my life without kids will be even bleaker because not only will I be financially worse off but I will be lonely too without them. These days, you really need to have a dual income household to make ends meet. I guess I can live with my brother when I get older, sigh...
I just really hate the fact that it is so hard to afford the cost of living even though I have a decent job.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 16, 2019 1:32:50 GMT
I just really hate the fact that it is so hard to afford the cost of living even though I have a decent job. Well, as I said before, it's ultimately up to you to better yourself every time the bar is raised, because life is ALL about pushing yourself to a point of exhaustion that you have neither the time or energy to enjoy what you've worked for.
(this is sarcasm, just in case anyone actually needs it pointed out)
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Post by julystorm22 on Dec 16, 2019 16:20:18 GMT
Yes, that is 100% true.
I could choose to make more money. For a while I did take a position I hated, and which left me exhausted and my body aching. But ultimately, it got too hard because of problems finding childcare while I worked 12 hour shifts at the nursing home. And in that position too I had the chance at a lot of overtime. But unfortunately, that meant more time away from my kids and I was feeling like a really awful mom because I wasn't there for my kids a lot and they were upset that I was always at work. And even now, I could take a second job but I just don't know if I could do it and I think it would just lead to more problems with my kids. So I have to choose: More money or being a better mother. I can't do both.
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Post by Behind Blue Eyes on Dec 18, 2019 21:45:42 GMT
I remember some old timers posting about what POF and online dating was like in the past. I was fat, dumb, happy, and married in those days.
I have seen it go down hill even more in the last 7 years. Since Match bought POF and OKC things have really gone to crap. The number of fakes and scammers has gone thru the roof. Most are easy to spot, but they're learning and adapting. Lately some of the scammers are showing up with a yellow dot paid membership. Maybe they're using hacked credit cards to pay for it.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 18, 2019 22:06:22 GMT
I remember some old timers posting about what POF and online dating was like in the past. I was fat, dumb, happy, and married in those days.
I have seen it go down hill even more in the last 7 years. Since Match bought POF and OKC things have really gone to crap. The number of fakes and scammers has gone thru the roof. Most are easy to spot, but they're learning and adapting. Lately some of the scammers are showing up with a yellow dot paid membership. Maybe they're using hacked credit cards to pay for it. I think the yellow dot accounts you speak of are POF staff generated accounts and not hacked CC's. I have also noticed a lot less new accounts that spam, but a lot more older accounts with ID's at the end of the urls from 5 years ago which I also believe to be some staff accounts. Generally what I do if I suspect a message isn't legit I ignore it for an hour then its gone 99% of the time.
I know most of the faces in my Local area which is sad. Many have 3 to 4 year old pics to. If someone new comes on. I leave it a bit to see if their headline changes as it usually does as most Men screw it up for themselves chatting about sex which is rather novice. Both sexes in the end want to get laid so why be a little boy about it.
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