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Post by igorfrankensteen on Oct 25, 2019 2:26:11 GMT
I've long suspected that one general problem, is at the root of most dissatisfactions. That is, an erroneous set of expectations.
Lots of people assume dating should be way EASIER in an electronically connected world, than "real life" has always been, and as they discover that they're still dealing with the same kind of people as always, they get mad at the aps.
There may be a bit of the same illusion pretty much everyone went through as teens: the fact that there are lots and lots of people listed as available... but everyone gradually learns the hard way that the proportion of COMPATIBLE people is actually tiny.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 25, 2019 3:35:04 GMT
I would say in some regards it's easier than real life. One can sort through all of the potentials, make contact, then set up a meet, all without ever leaving the house. I once compared the experience to ordering a pizza, myself. But as far as finding "the one", yes, that's another matter altogether.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 31, 2019 21:11:24 GMT
I’ve never found much difference between dating, no matter how I’ve originally met someone. We meet up, we hit it off/or not. If we do, we date. I mess it up in some way with my ‘free spirit’ bollocks. And to quote cooldog ‘The End’
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Post by julystorm22 on Dec 5, 2019 5:04:13 GMT
I never found it that hard to meet anyone from POF. Generally, when I've gone on to look it doesn't take me too long to find myself a possibility. But I'm always left wondering "Would this guy pick me to go out with in real life?" I often doubt it. I think maybe they just messaged 50 girls until one answered and they say to themselves "I guess she'll do for now."
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Post by Deleted on Dec 5, 2019 16:23:26 GMT
I think maybe they just messaged 50 girls until one answered and they say to themselves "I guess she'll do for now." Sadly, that's how the place is utilized by many, but not all. There is also a bounty of members looking for that "take me away from all my problems" match. (usually financial) I guess the challenge posed by such mediums is to sift through the masses to find exceptions who compliment one's life and lifestyle, and might be somebody that a person felt was worth investing the time and effort to get to know further. I was never there (POF) in pursuit of a date or anything of the sort. Rather, it was an easily accessible source for mingling and interacting and restoring those skills, which was sorely needed to restore the person I briefly became following the brain damage from my accident. (infantile raging tinderbox is putting it mildly) Despite my intentions being far from the dating pursuit, over time, a handful of gals took a real shine to the person farting around on the local forums, and a fair few dates resulting from their pursuits were the result, even still.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 5, 2019 16:48:31 GMT
Sadly, that's how the place is utilized by many, but not all. There is also a bounty of members looking for that "take me away from all my problems" match. (usually financial) It is funny you mention this. I had a paid member message me Saturday night and we were chatting. I dropped the good auld I don't work at the moment message and She never replied again lol after being so chatty. I work when I want to and my bills are always paid and I can have anything I like and no debt. Why would I want a woman like that when if I wanted robbed of my cash then I'd rent a hoe half her age with looks to die for that's honest that all she is fooking me for is financial gain. As for how the place is utilised. Hmm, I know many blokes that just do or say anything to get sex. I had a friend that was seeing a woman from Pof for 9 Months then he got a sniff of another female and didn't think twice. This shit human the following month blurted out some crap that he finished with the lass he was seeing as he couldn't give her what she wanted. Whatever you lying koont. You filled ya boots and got bored because you were only there for the sex and couldn't be bothered driving 40 mins to her place anymore...
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Post by julystorm22 on Dec 5, 2019 19:35:25 GMT
I have taken guys out of consideration for not being employed. I have a good reason. After 10 years of living with a mooch who couldn't keep a job I never want to be in a relationship like that again. I have been working since I was young and have never gotten fired or quit a job without having another job lined up. I deeply resented supporting someone who only spent the money I worked hard for and couldn't even be bothered to help with housework. My ex always said it was the employers that were the problem but I know he was lazy and difficult to work with and he had zero personal accountability about it.
I do understand that someone may have encountered a layoff or tough employment times but it's my opinion that if you are unemployed (and I'm not counting retirement or disability in this) then you shouldn't be dating until you have that part of your life figured out. I want an equal relationship with both sides working and contributing financially if we co-habitate.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 5, 2019 20:09:46 GMT
I have taken guys out of consideration for not being employed. I have a good reason. After 10 years of living with a mooch who couldn't keep a job I never want to be in a relationship like that again. I have been working since I was young and have never gotten fired or quit a job without having another job lined up. I deeply resented supporting someone who only spent the money I worked hard for and couldn't even be bothered to help with housework. My ex always said it was the employers that were the problem but I know he was lazy and difficult to work with and he had zero personal accountability about it. I do understand that someone may have encountered a layoff or tough employment times but it's my opinion that if you are unemployed (and I'm not counting retirement or disability in this) then you shouldn't be dating until you have that part of your life figured out. I want an equal relationship with both sides working and contributing financially if we co-habitate. Yer, but what if you do have a little money but just say stuff along the lines as I did as to get rid of only those wanting spoon fed because they are in debt up to their eyeballs and looking for a saviour to share rent and only in a relationship or companionship to make finances easier. You do realise over the last 6 1/2 years. only the last 18 months I eased off working as hard 70 hr weeks. I've not even had a proper holiday in that time. so please forgive me if some Women that is on POF judged me on what I can give her materially rather than spiritually.
If I have a roof over my head and pay my way whats to say I can't if I start living with someone. Most guys I know that are living with Women are skint most of the time lol.
You really need to forget about that ex. You give him to much headspace ;)
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Post by Deleted on Dec 8, 2019 3:24:42 GMT
I'd never remotely consider a man without a job if I was a woman. Can't blame 'em.
I'd even question if he had a job, but bounced around to different jobs a lot.
The only caveat is if he's obviously well set financially. But still, even with that, ya gotta wonder bout a guy who doesn't want to work.
Sorry guys.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 8, 2019 5:20:50 GMT
At my age many men are retired already. Then the question is what do they do with their time? Are they content, active, still evolving, or going through a late mid-life crisis and looking for a much younger woman to keep them young?
Also if they haven't any children, which I see more and more, I tend to pass. Part of me thinks how wonderful at first, but then I wonder why and know so much of my life was raising children mostly as a single mum, so even though they're all grown up now, I wonder how much would someone without children and I really have in common?
I've gone off online dating for quite some time, to be honest. It seemed people were getting too picky, maybe because it's like a human shopping catalogue. But the more people you meet, the more you realize developing a real connection is rare, or so I found.
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Post by cooldog65 on Dec 8, 2019 6:00:54 GMT
My opinion:
After filtering out all the variables (Age, distance and other compatibility factors, the large pond shrinks to a tiny dried out puddle...
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Post by Deleted on Dec 8, 2019 13:53:49 GMT
At my age many men are retired already. Then the question is what do they do with their time? Are they content, active, still evolving, or going through a late mid-life crisis and looking for a much younger woman to keep them young? Also if they haven't any children, which I see more and more, I tend to pass. Part of me thinks how wonderful at first, but then I wonder why and know so much of my life was raising children mostly as a single mum, so even though they're all grown up now, I wonder how much would someone without children and I really have in common? I've gone off online dating for quite some time, to be honest. It seemed people were getting too picky, maybe because it's like a human shopping catalogue. But the more people you meet, the more you realize developing a real connection is rare, or so I found. Many people now work and have worked for decades to give themselves that free time to do things hobbyist and such and work part time before they get all sorts of ailments. Passion for something is great but does it need to be money centric to give a person value. Some Men without children can become quite jealous when it comes to attention of the children as they don't quite understand why they have to step aside a lot. My Lad is in his 20's and their is no chance in hell I'd push him aside for a Woman but at his age I don't see him as often so if I had plans they are staying fixed. I don't look at a POF profile and think wow I want 3 young children that aren't mine and even teenagers are a pain in the ass and thats the online catologue stat issue people use but if you meet in RL things develop differently like feeling, infatuation etc. Pof is crammed full of single Mothers not working or doing the absolute Mininum and claiming benefits so should I be judgemental and think well I'm already paying for them through taxation to fund kids which aren't mine so why would I pay twice if I date them. I think that is a bad place to go even though its the truth. Also Motherhood is the most important role that exists in my eyes as you're responsible for bring up a half functioning human. I've gone off online dating because of the lack of effort but I'm not looking to get shacked up anyway and not any female would do. Real connections are rare, indeed and people are dissillusioned by the catologue effect. Society is just moving to fast now and we're constantly lagging behind.
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Post by bendingbough19 on Dec 8, 2019 17:07:43 GMT
I think the "shopping effect" has made dating a different beast than I experienced when I was trying to date. It seems to have its own code and not one that I have ever developed sufficient interest in cracking to try to continue. I have never cared whether a mate has the same background or experiences as I. Diversity can be interesting. I found the people I encountered when I used to try often had very fixed ideas about what they wanted and would consider having. There was a lot of "I would never..." types of ideas about many things they would not accept or even consider. It can be good to have "I would never..." ideas about what is not acceptable as this can mean that one knows oneself well. However, I also think it can be limiting if it prevents us from considering someone who may fall into a category, at least at first glance, that we consider to be a person we would not consider.
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Post by julystorm22 on Dec 8, 2019 23:38:48 GMT
What gets me is that I know many single mothers who got left and immediately their ex found another woman. It's unfair that men with kids aren't perceived as having baggage like women with kids are. Women often look at a guy having kids as a bonus.
I only want to date someone with kids because I feel that would put us at a more equal footing. However, most of the guys I tried going out with were childless. POF is full of guys without kids. And if a guy with kids actually messaged me I would get excited. Seldom would they though.
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Post by bendingbough19 on Dec 9, 2019 0:01:48 GMT
I know lots of men with children who found someone immediately after a relationship with the mother of their children ended. Frankly, I think the timing is sometimes not quite believable with some and think that the next woman was already on board while the woman they had children with was still very much in the picture. Some of the situations I am familiar with involve children who are older and out of the house, but many involve children who are much younger. At the same timem, most of the women they end up with have children, so I am not sure that the children are considered baggage. I wouldn't limit yourself to only men with children. I know more than a few men in your age range who willingly took up with someone with children. I don't think it phases everyone the way you think it does.
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