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Post by Deleted on Jun 30, 2019 16:24:03 GMT
^ Wow! Makes you wonder if photos are the issue and sortof exposes how superficial we tend to be these days. I would want a photo or two since without it made me question if the man was hiding something, like marriage. But it seemed in reality the people I met who sent photos privately (not that kind), seemed to imply it was more embarrassment to be on pof and being a small community, there was fear of being recognized by their friends or colleagues. That was why I hid my profile the last many years after being approached in public twice by pof men I didn't know at all, but they knew my username. Made me feel very exposed and unsafe. That's the downside of putting up photos that really do look like you! :)
Re: getting duped by older photos, honestly in my age category of early 60's, even three years can make a huge difference in how much we age. Styles don't change that much in that short amount of time either and I find we wear what we want at this point in our lives, so keeping up with styles isn't such an obvious clue. Still, I got pretty good at figuring out if they posted several photos, which one probably looked the most like them. I admit it's superficial initial imagined attraction for sure, but I'm a visual person. If I don't enjoy looking at you, I won't want to get close to you. Miight sound crass, but think I'm not the only one.
There's another issue with online dating I found that was challenging. Women my age, at least in my circles, seem happy to date men my age. But men my age want women much younger. What's with that? I know several women my age and older who are still lovely. Admittedly it would be great as a woman to be with a younger man too, but then I'm not looking for a quick you know what. If wanting a relationship that could last years, dating someone much younger for either sex seems a given it is unlikely to last that long. Course there are always exceptions.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 30, 2019 17:23:52 GMT
^ Wow! Makes you wonder if photos are the issue and sortof exposes how superficial we tend to be these days. I would want a photo or two since without it made me question if the man was hiding something, like marriage. But it seemed in reality the people I met who sent photos privately (not that kind), seemed to imply it was more embarrassment to be on pof and being a small community, there was fear of being recognized by their friends or colleagues. That was why I hid my profile the last many years after being approached in public twice by pof men I didn't know at all, but they knew my username. Made me feel very exposed and unsafe. That's the downside of putting up photos that really do look like you! :) I was recognized from POF out in public several times, and it was rather amusing for the most part. Once was at a bar on a Saturday night. A woman came up and asked if I was "Pig something". I didn't know what the hell she was talking about at first because I wasn't really in the mindset that I'm "ThePigOfYourDreams" out in public, but then she mentioned POF. She said a friend of hers who was a teacher had shown her my profile. As for the age issue. I agree. In terms of longevity, generation gap relationships just don't have really good odds.
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Post by bendingbough19 on Jun 30, 2019 22:56:52 GMT
Yes, it isn't only a small community thing to be recognized from POF. There were at least three I work with and there were also a couple of messages from people I don't know saying they saw me at such and such and I look better in person. It felt a little odd, but such is the nature of online dating. One puts oneself out there. Controlling who sees you after that is a little difficult to control, unless you hide your profile.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 1, 2019 22:48:36 GMT
Exactly. Once your picture is on the world wide web, it's open to worldwide exposure.
Getting back to the age issue, I've never understood why so many older men prefer much younger women. If a woman makes me feel like I'm her father, I'm not digging it. A lot of times, the women in their late 20s and early 30s make me feel this way within the first five minutes of conversation. I've had ONE exception in the last four years. She was 32, but we didn't see each other long because she was moving back to Colorado.
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Post by deadzedhead on Jul 2, 2019 3:37:48 GMT
Well I think I could have done the relationship thing in my 40s and really did give it a try a couple of times. In my 50s, not so much. I'm just too... everything now. I have no idea why my 40s seem so very far away but they do. They might as well be my 20s. I mostly regret ever having tried to have a relationship with a significant other at any point during my life. They produced nothing I ultimately ended up pleased about in the end and I truly feel like I wasted decades trying to win a losing battle. I sometimes wonder what I could have achieved if I had put equal effort into my career. I do miss touch though. I didn't recognize this until recently. I recently changed the building I work in, and hence, the people I work with. There are two men who have touched me since starting there. Yes, I actually remember each instance, clearly. Each of them put their hand on my back. Each time, especially the first time, I very nearly had a skip in my breathing because I realized with quite a start that no one ever touches me anymore, ever. Quite a realization. After my divorce i went through a period were i didnt want to be touched. (Long story) I have female friends who are very touchy. It took a while to stop glancing down at their hand when they did it. I still catch myself every now and then. My marriage soured my ability to even consider a relationship. I just look for friends i feel comfortable around. Its not many. Its weird how few people can touch me without me batting an eye. Even weirder considering how touchy I was when in relationships. I was very caressing with my women and touched them whenever we passed. Now I practically jump out of the way when people get close. Its frustratingly awkward.
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Post by deadzedhead on Jul 2, 2019 3:47:30 GMT
I never got one fortunately on pof. But I did find that men, if they posted profile pics at all, would only post photos of them many years younger, thus pretending they were younger looking than they really were. And in fact often I found in my age category, they also had a younger age in their profile than was the truth. Granted men I met would tell me that women did the same thing, often posting pics from when they were thinner than they really were. Guess when you try and sell yourself in an online dating catalogue competing with so many, there is a tendency to do anything to attract attention. Never made sense to me to do that because if you did meet, surely everyone could see the discrepancies and then honesty is in question and I'd lose interest completely, as I imagine men would too. Basically, the bait and switch tactic didn't work for me. Never mind, without meeting someone before seeing a photo, it seems we project so much onto the photos and words and tend to build up an image of their personality too. But I found online personality often did not translate into real life personality. So I'd suggest meeting quickly before the online impressions could form a whole picture that was often based on my projections and not who they really were. Guess these are all reasons why I found online dating did not work for me and I'd leave a meet or date telling myself never do it again, even if very occasionally a mini attraction that led to a mini relationship occurred that lasted about 4 months maximum. Funny. I went on a site looking for a platonic friend to catch a movie or dinner with no preconceived notions of it going further. Within a few chats, even in the platonic section they would start to ask if i was working toward a relationship. When i say no, im just looking for company, they all dropped me. I kept wondering why they were posting in platonic if they wanted a relationship.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 2, 2019 4:09:53 GMT
^ Having some comfortable and nice companionship is so much more attractive to me too these days. I have found friends can last a lifetime where romantic relationships rarely do.
I'm sorry your comfort with touch changed so much. Found when I was giving shiatsu treatments, it was such safe touch people felt very ok with it. Plus it's clothed, so that helps keep it safe for those who would not feel comfortable with naked massages. I trained in England, though have heard here in the States it's very deep and painful. I'm not able to relax with pain, so I never hurt people... But it's something you might consider if you ever want to expand your level of comfort with being touched again. Reiki also works with energy and might feel ok for you too.
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Post by deadzedhead on Jul 2, 2019 16:44:23 GMT
I thought about it. I have to start seeing a chiropractor after an accident about months ago. Ill see how that goes.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 2, 2019 17:33:37 GMT
Please be careful - chiropractors can do more damage than good sometimes. I had that experience and know of others who have as well, while others swear by them. Cranial osteopaths are good, in my experience, if it's damage that's in their realm of helping. Even acupuncture - a good traditional acupuncturist can be amazing for correcting things.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 2, 2019 19:00:27 GMT
I used to think chiropractors were med school dropouts, sort of sleazy and made you come back for YEARS for treatments.
Preying on those in pain~
Found one who is schooled in moderns techniques (please don't crack my neck!) combined with yoga and meditation. Chiropractic can only go so far, but sometimes that's all you need~
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Post by deadzedhead on Jul 2, 2019 21:26:52 GMT
Please be careful - chiropractors can do more damage than good sometimes. I had that experience and know of others who have as well, while others swear by them. Cranial osteopaths are good, in my experience, if it's damage that's in their realm of helping. Even acupuncture - a good traditional acupuncturist can be amazing for correcting things. Ive heard both ways. Helpful and unhelpful. I think i need help with stretching. Id like acupuncture i just cant afford it right now. The lady who hit me is paying for it. I should see if they would cover acupuncture.
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Post by cbgb77 on Jul 7, 2019 3:56:23 GMT
I used to think chiropractors were med school dropouts, sort of sleazy and made you come back for YEARS for treatments. Preying on those in pain~ Found one who is schooled in moderns techniques (please don't crack my neck!) combined with yoga and meditation. Chiropractic can only go so far, but sometimes that's all you need~ My yoga teacher Lynn has a new website for healing and balance with links to a lot of her videos
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Post by deadzedhead on Jul 7, 2019 5:04:07 GMT
I used to think chiropractors were med school dropouts, sort of sleazy and made you come back for YEARS for treatments. Preying on those in pain~ Found one who is schooled in moderns techniques (please don't crack my neck!) combined with yoga and meditation. Chiropractic can only go so far, but sometimes that's all you need~ My yoga teacher Lynn has a new website for healing and balance with links to a lot of her videos
Thanks. I had my first chiropractic appointment. I felt a little better. Ibwas able to isolate what hurts most
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Post by cbgb77 on Jul 7, 2019 5:05:52 GMT
That's great,hope it helps.
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Post by julystorm22 on Dec 5, 2019 5:20:55 GMT
Putting love on hold? Sigh...I daydream about men constantly. One guy I saw yesterday, I don't even know his name but I fantasize just the same. I'm always doing that, living in a dreamworld inside my head. Imagining all these wonderful realities I could be living but then I snap back to reality.
My life would probably be better with a man but only with the right man. I have to consider my kids. I also think about the economical advantage to being in a relationship. If we moved in together, we could split the bills. Life would be so much easier with more money. I'm tired of always struggling. Plus there's the idea of regular sex and companionship.
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