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Post by Deleted on Jul 21, 2015 14:31:47 GMT
Can relationships really be 50/50? Since I've never been in a successful one I'm wondering how you see relationships that work.
The way I envision things is giving the other person all of me, accepting them and sharing responsibilities. Things can't always be 50/50 because there will be times of personal failure. How would that be dealt with?
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Post by Stumour on Jul 22, 2015 11:05:38 GMT
There's always give n take... it's more a blurred, very fuzzy line than a defined split. What I mean is, it's dynamic rather than static.
If, however, it tends to swing too much too often one way, summat is amiss
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Post by Stumour on Jul 22, 2015 22:43:17 GMT
Let me put it in recent terms.
Aurie had new windows fitted. I suffered the aftermath of an utterly fucked up job. I'm now in the bad books for intervening even though I'm directly involved.
Fuck this trying to help shit.
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Post by flamey on Jul 22, 2015 23:30:01 GMT
Fuck relationships, i'm staying single, my bodies meant for pleasure not for earache and drama, life is too bloody short xx friendships are cool though xxx
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Post by cobtact on Jul 22, 2015 23:37:14 GMT
yes...if you date yourself...
other than that....divide up living space in accordance to percentage....men can learn to live in microwave..just sayin  |
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Post by flamey on Jul 22, 2015 23:42:13 GMT
When my youngest hits 18 i'm giving them the house and feching off, in the words of old greta 'I need to be alone' xx
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Post by flamey on Jul 22, 2015 23:43:11 GMT
I'd drive myself insane if I dated myself, nightmare even to thing about it x
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Post by tizzahell on Jul 22, 2015 23:55:50 GMT
I think we must be related flamey!
I agree with the dynamics thing, I also think that some people are better at certain things than others so 50/50 isn't really a practical ideal in most relationships. I think so long as there is a good dynamic and, both parties are appreciative and, respectful of the other... then it should be a good relationship.
As far as personal failures respect and, a little nurturing should be able to see a couple through those times... if the relationship is a good one.
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Post by flamey on Jul 23, 2015 0:02:28 GMT
Society drums it into us that we must have relationships, I understand with children, but families can be made not just born, love comes from so many places that you do not have to stay somewhere that makes you unhappy, I did it for such a time it's like a form of masochism, what do we ever do that's so wrong that we must punish ourselves for it.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 23, 2015 5:28:55 GMT
Let me put it in recent terms. Aurie had new windows fitted. I suffered the aftermath of an utterly fucked up job. I'm now in the bad books for intervening even though I'm directly involved. Fuck this trying to help shit. Well, I think 50/50 is arbitrary... because what I think is 50% might not be what she thinks is 50% right? I think it's more important to have communication and not 'bottle things until they explode'. I dunno, see, I think of my parents and I'm not sure I've *ever* really seen them 'argue'... then again, my grandparents (paternal) and a couple other friends I've seen that seemed to bicker all the time seem to have worked (20+yrs)... maybe it's just not hanging onto resentments over little shit? I've seen some people that can just build up a 'laundry list' of stuff I think is somewhat meaningless, but... that's just me I suppose too... and then when they split it's a pile of 'reasons'... Then again, what do I know? ;) |
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Post by swannie on Jul 23, 2015 5:52:54 GMT
I agree with Stu that it's never 50/50 straight down the line but a flow of dynamics that work for that particular couple. Everyone is unique. Some couples seem to like constant conflict others like peace. There's no wrong if its right for them. And there's no right if it's wrong for you.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 23, 2015 6:31:42 GMT
I, too, suck at relationships. There are things in my life that I'm not comfortable inflicting on another poor sap. I've also grown more introverted and need my space.
On the subject of 50/50 I like how you put that Stu. Brilliant. There is no 50/50, but appreciation of what each partner does needs to be there. Once we are taken for granted the seed of discontent grows into bitterness.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 23, 2015 7:03:25 GMT
Once we are taken for granted the seed of discontent grows into bitterness. Well, and twisting the phrase a bit - if both people work together maybe they can not plant the seed, or pull up the damn bitter weed before it grows too big and toss it in the trash?  Then again, I've watched people sit there and seemingly (as an outside observer) give the damn thing plant food and prop it up with a stick so it grows really big... and seem to like it, 'drama king/queen' style relationships, even though it seems very dysfunctional to me. |
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Post by swannie on Jul 23, 2015 7:26:47 GMT
Yeah I've watched people do that too F1 and it's so destructive for them and whoever has to be around them ie kids.
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Post by flamey on Jul 23, 2015 7:42:48 GMT
If it works for people fair play, my best relationships have always been friendships. It's fairer to let someone go you are not happy with even if they don't appreciate it, it frees them too x
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