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Post by Deleted on Jul 25, 2019 17:03:16 GMT
@vesuvia you aren't alone. No sisitcom can express how much my ex nagged. When we first got married he got p*ssy because I hadn't done all of the laundry. I looked in the laundry hamper. Nope, nothing was in it. He then marched me into the living room. Turned out he found it easier to dump his undies (but not his socks) behind the chair in the corner. He had a mini hissy fit because I hadn't figured that out. Even weirder was that to get into the living room he still had to go past the hamper. awesomejoe73 I've seen that, but my experience was that my money paid the bills and he spent his money on his cars. Even so, I don't think you can ever really know how you or your partner are going to change as the years go by, and sometimes the changes and challenges create more of a divide than a union... or so it seems to me. Yes, and it's one of a gazillion reasons why I have no use for relationships. I don't care how "oh my God, I can't live without you!!" in love two people might be, it can all end in a single instant for any reason. Sure, one can argue there are risks for many things in life, yet we still take chances, but the vanishing of emotion I'm referring to just seems to happen so frequently and easily.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 25, 2019 21:55:50 GMT
^^^Mr Pig<<< Life ends in an instant. Here one second then you're gone. I prefer to find Joy in those instances in between. Love is always going to break your heart. It's the nature of the thing~
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Post by igorfrankensteen on Jul 26, 2019 1:24:56 GMT
Even so, I don't think you can ever really know how you or your partner are going to change as the years go by, and sometimes the changes and challenges create more of a divide than a union... or so it seems to me. Yes, and it's one of a gazillion reasons why I have no use for relationships. I don't care how "oh my God, I can't live without you!!" in love two people might be, it can all end in a single instant for any reason. Sure, one can argue there are risks for many things in life, yet we still take chances, but the vanishing of emotion I'm referring to just seems to happen so frequently and easily.Ah. "Instantly Vanishing emotion." That's another kettle of fish, as the nonsensical idiomatic phrase goes. I've seen so-called "instantly vanishing emotions" a number of times. They actually never occur. There are certainly "suddenly realized I NEVER loved him/her" events, but in every case where someone appeared to suddenly change emotional course, upon examining the history of that moment, there were ALWAYS lots of hints and evidences of long festering problems. That doesn't mean at all, that one person is ignoring the other person's complaints. More commonly what happens is, that one or both people are each living out an IMAGINARY version of the kind of life they think they have claimed, by getting involved romantically with the other one. But one or both people are actually living out a set of (often unconsciously scripted) STORY versions of real life, and aren't actually ever really living with and truly SEEING each other. Everything can go to hell in an instant, but it's not because RELATIONSHIPS are inherently unreliable; it's more like what happened to the world economy back in 2008: wealth didn't really vanish overnight, back then. What actually happened was, that THE WEALTH WAS NEVER REALLY THERE TO BEGIN WITH. The only thing that happened instantly, was that people REALIZED that it never existed.
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Post by cbgb77 on Jul 26, 2019 4:15:07 GMT
^^^Mr Pig<<< Life ends in an instant. Here one second then you're gone. I prefer to find Joy in those instances in between. Love is always going to break your heart. It's the nature of the thing~
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Post by Deleted on Jul 26, 2019 16:23:31 GMT
Yes, and it's one of a gazillion reasons why I have no use for relationships. I don't care how "oh my God, I can't live without you!!" in love two people might be, it can all end in a single instant for any reason. Sure, one can argue there are risks for many things in life, yet we still take chances, but the vanishing of emotion I'm referring to just seems to happen so frequently and easily. That doesn't mean at all, that one person is ignoring the other person's complaints. More commonly what happens is, that one or both people are each living out an IMAGINARY version of the kind of life they think they have claimed, by getting involved romantically with the other one. But one or both people are actually living out a set of (often unconsciously scripted) STORY versions of real life, and aren't actually ever really living with and truly SEEING each other. Everything can go to hell in an instant, but it's not because RELATIONSHIPS are inherently unreliable; it's more like what happened to the world economy back in 2008: wealth didn't really vanish overnight, back then. What actually happened was, that THE WEALTH WAS NEVER REALLY THERE TO BEGIN WITH. The only thing that happened instantly, was that people REALIZED that it never existed. There are many cases where all of the aforementioned might be true, but not all. I believe genuine love can die. I also believe people can convince themselves they're not "in love" anymore, only to discover they are, as well. Every long term relationship I've been in that was ended by the woman, whether it was weeks, months, or even years, they always came back. They presented me with an "our time apart made me realize how much I loved you" claim. I've never been one to attempt rekindling things, though.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 26, 2019 16:26:35 GMT
^^^Mr Pig<<< Life ends in an instant. Here one second then you're gone. I prefer to find Joy in those instances in between. Love is always going to break your heart. It's the nature of the thing~ I just can't deal with it. It's easier to just "casually date" for a short while and move on to the next one before emotions can become involved.
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Post by bendingbough19 on Jul 27, 2019 13:27:43 GMT
I'm with Pig's "it can all end in a single instant for any reason" perspective of things. Total waste of time and investment of energy in my opinion. I've learned my lesson well, and while one hears "never say never," I say never again. There is not one remaining cell in me that buys into the fairytale, and I have to say that the few people I know who have also cast aside the fairytale are happier for it.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 27, 2019 22:30:53 GMT
I'm with Pig's "it can all end in a single instant for any reason" perspective of things. Total waste of time and investment of energy in my opinion. I've learned my lesson well, and while one hears "never say never," I say never again. There is not one remaining cell in me that buys into the fairytale, and I have to say that the few people I know who have also cast aside the fairytale are happier for it. Damn. Yet another reason to like you.
Let's face it, not carrying grief around is infinitely better than carrying grief. Right? If not being "in love" again is the price I have to pay to avoid grieving over loss, I can handle it. Grieving over relationships ending has resulted in total delirium for me. I often found myself in the horrible position of knowing that I probably just needed to sit home and face it head on, yet I couldn't. I would go out and find another woman, hoping she would make me forget all about the one I lost, but no matter how good looking, fun, or interesting she was, it just didn't work.
It's also funny how we're encouraged to let go of the past on one hand, yet we're often told to reflect on the good times we had with a specific person as opposed to focusing on the loss we're feeling. If we're being perfectly honest, has this ever truly worked for anyone in the history of mankind? Has it ever really brought them any sense of consolation?
I'd venture to say no.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 27, 2019 23:05:44 GMT
Grieving, celebrating..... It's all part of our reality. Accepting, rejecting.... To deny any aspect of us and our experience, past or present, will always find a way to be recognized, even if that means we keep repeating what we did until we see what we're doing.
It's the judgement we tend to carry with our experience I feel we have to be careful of... And the tendency to not accept responsibiility for our lives, the good, bad and ugly.... until we do.
I have felt heartbreak and grief, but I would rather have something to grieve over and realize my lessons to understand the pain, and let it go, than to live without love. Becoming a hermit is another kind of pain to me.
No, I'm not looking for a relationship and I am happy with my own company. But I am not without love and I do not believe all love leads to heartbreak. I do not believe all love is fairytale kind of love. Some love is real. Some love is enduring.
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Post by cbgb77 on Jul 28, 2019 3:04:21 GMT
I think we have to forgive our exes,it's the heart of the matter.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 29, 2019 2:43:19 GMT
cbgb77 Even though I believe that I'm really not relationship material, I believe some people do make it work. I'm a sucker for love songs too. Don't forget, I liked reading the posts about your sweetie.
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Post by cbgb77 on Jul 29, 2019 3:52:12 GMT
cbgb77 Even though I believe that I'm really not relationship material, I believe some people do make it work. I'm a sucker for love songs too. Don't forget, I liked reading the posts about your sweetie. Thanks Bug! My girlfriend is knitting an 18 ft long Dr Who scarf for me.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 29, 2019 3:55:04 GMT
cbgb77 Even though I believe that I'm really not relationship material, I believe some people do make it work. I'm a sucker for love songs too. Don't forget, I liked reading the posts about your sweetie. I've become so skeptical on the matter, myself. I've seen and known too many people who put on the facade of being the deliriously happy couple, yet the truth is, they can't stand the sight of each other, so any time I see a couple whose private life I know nothing about, I begin to wonder. For me personally, I've never understood what compels people to put on a front. I just can't see it being satisfying in the least.
On the flip side, I also know couples that are very open about their misery, but they just don't want to go back to square one and start all over again.
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Post by cbgb77 on Jul 29, 2019 4:08:32 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 29, 2019 5:11:37 GMT
I've seen the fakes and the miserable, but I've also seen some that have what I'm not capable of achieving. The ones that I consider more successful seem to respect that they have differences and still like each other.
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