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Post by Deleted on Jul 22, 2019 18:22:22 GMT
I would sodomize myself with a curling iron before I'd ever live with a woman again. Just to be clear: is sodomizing yourself with a soldering iron something you DO, or DO NOT care for? I only ask, because I have known a rather wide variety of unique people. Sounds like we might know some people in common, and no, burn play isn't my proverbial cup of tea.
As for marriages going down the toilet, I believe couples go into "overlook mode" before getting married because the excitement of the wedding makes everything else seem so trivial. But once that excitement dissipates after the wedding, and they realize there's an actual marriage to tend to, that's when the big dynamic shift occurs - the transition from fantasy to reality.
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Post by cooldog65 on Jul 22, 2019 19:18:55 GMT
When you're both ready. For me, that means never.
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Post by cbgb77 on Jul 22, 2019 20:33:52 GMT
We dont want to get married.Just live together someday.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 23, 2019 0:00:55 GMT
When you're both ready. For me, that means never. Same here.
People seem to be always wanting "proof" when love is declared, and moving in together or marriage has always been the typical options, but as I mentioned in another thread, just because something is "old school" doesn't necessarily mean it works for everyone. I can't think of any valid reason why two people can't be ''in love" and live in separate homes.
For me personally, I will never, ever, be that guy who's ordered to sleep on the sofa of my own house when the woman isn't happy. I've completely eliminated it as being a possibility.
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Post by igorfrankensteen on Jul 23, 2019 11:14:33 GMT
In my experience, it's not so much "proof," as it is incompletely thought out expectations. That, and the same thing a lot of us oldsters here suffer from, which could be described as "previous bad experience special rules."
Basically, when people are very young, they buy into the "with True Love, anything goes, and everything is delightful" motif; but they fail to notice that "everything is delightful because we are in love" part only works while the brain chemicals are acting like emotional novacaine.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 24, 2019 11:25:58 GMT
Stumour: I don't know if you meant it that way or not, but it's something I've seen MANY times, that a couple get along just fine, sometimes even for YEARS... ...and then get married. And BECAUSE they got married, and what marriage meant to one or both of them, all sorts of things that they found tolerable about the other one, suddenly became huge problems. I think it has to do with those programmed expectations people often have, many of which they aren't even aware of. Yeah, ownership seemed to programmed into my ex's
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Post by Deleted on Jul 24, 2019 14:15:59 GMT
^^^Men 'do' seem to love to run women's lives. Not a good deal for the woman in general IME.
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Post by awesomejoe73 on Jul 24, 2019 14:24:31 GMT
When you're both ready. For me, that means never. Same here.
People seem to be always wanting "proof" when love is declared, and moving in together or marriage has always been the typical options, but as I mentioned in another thread, just because something is "old school" doesn't necessarily mean it works for everyone. I can't think of any valid reason why two people can't be ''in love" and live in separate homes.
For me personally, I will never, ever, be that guy who's ordered to sleep on the sofa of my own house when the woman isn't happy. I've completely eliminated it as being a possibility.
My father would love you. His ideal marriage is the wife lives in an apt NEXT door. Well that is why BIG expensive weddings should be deemed bad and avoided. All my peeps that have had city hall weddings have lasted much longer than those with a WEDDING. Weddings are a big waste of money and a financial drain. They tend to become the focus of the couple and other more important matters make it to the back burner. That being said, marriage is still a good thing and there are tax savings to being married. A married couple will pay less doing joint taxes than 2 singles doing their taxes. Also in matters of inheritance, marriage has advantages. Car insurance might even be cheaper. The only time I think it is better financially for a couple NOT to marry is when they get public benefits or something to that matter. As for the COSTS of marriage, most revolve around divorce obligations relating to having children. Come to think about it....children are the death of a lot of good marriages. Whenever we add additional stress to a relationship we are bound to find difficulties. Planning wedding themselves can be stress. Well that's because some of us do a better job at it! :P , Don't we all want the best man or women for the job? That being said, when people are a couple, sometimes the partner seems to forget that their actions influence the couple, as in both parties. That is the other side of it. Some people really just can't "get" the dynamics of when things are "WE" as oppose to "ME". There should be some school singles have to attend before getting married that explains this. I am all for such a requirement,as well as a school certificate needed to reproduce!
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Post by cbgb77 on Jul 24, 2019 15:01:46 GMT
That being said, marriage is still a good thing and there are tax savings to being married. A married couple will pay less doing joint taxes than 2 singles doing their taxes. Unless they are subject to "The Marriage Penalty" . My girlfriend and I would have to pay thousands more in income tax if we were married which is why we will never get married.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 24, 2019 15:19:53 GMT
^^^Men 'do' seem to love to run women's lives. Not a good deal for the woman in general IME. It works both ways. The vast majority of my male friends who are in relationships have been morphed into "yes, dear" men. They're told what to wear, have been collared with a cyber leash (cellphone, which they have to use to constantly "check in") and some of them never get a "guy's night out" despite their girlfriends having a "girl's night out" once a week.
Yes, I give these guys a lot of shit over landing themselves in these scenarios, and I would keep my mouth shut if they were actually happy, but they're not. They just don't want to go back to the drawing board and start all over again or they're too emotionally hooked to let go.
How any man could want a second mother is beyond me.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 24, 2019 16:41:05 GMT
^^^TRue it works both ways. Can only go by my own experience as a woman.
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Post by awesomejoe73 on Jul 24, 2019 17:05:13 GMT
^^^Men 'do' seem to love to run women's lives. Not a good deal for the woman in general IME. It works both ways. The vast majority of my male friends who are in relationships have been morphed into "yes, dear" men. They're told what to wear, have been collared with a cyber leash (cellphone, which they have to use to constantly "check in") and some of them never get a "guy's night out" despite their girlfriends having a "girl's night out" once a week.
Yes, I give these guys a lot of shit over landing themselves in these scenarios, and I would keep my mouth shut if they were actually happy, but they're not. They just don't want to go back to the drawing board and start all over again or they're too emotionally hooked to let go.
How any man could want a second mother is beyond me. Some of us need a mommy!Don't judge!! In reference to double standards, I would add that when a women enters the workforce after being off for many years(school,children,etc) they sometimes get the idea that their new income is THEIR own income and that the mans income is family income to pay bills. I have seen this over and over and experienced it a bit myself. My motto is your make dough , you pay half!
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Post by Deleted on Jul 24, 2019 17:18:12 GMT
@vesuvia you aren't alone. No sisitcom can express how much my ex nagged. When we first got married he got p*ssy because I hadn't done all of the laundry. I looked in the laundry hamper. Nope, nothing was in it. He then marched me into the living room. Turned out he found it easier to dump his undies (but not his socks) behind the chair in the corner. He had a mini hissy fit because I hadn't figured that out. Even weirder was that to get into the living room he still had to go past the hamper. awesomejoe73 I've seen that, but my experience was that my money paid the bills and he spent his money on his cars.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 24, 2019 17:29:04 GMT
It works both ways. The vast majority of my male friends who are in relationships have been morphed into "yes, dear" men. They're told what to wear, have been collared with a cyber leash (cellphone, which they have to use to constantly "check in") and some of them never get a "guy's night out" despite their girlfriends having a "girl's night out" once a week.
Yes, I give these guys a lot of shit over landing themselves in these scenarios, and I would keep my mouth shut if they were actually happy, but they're not. They just don't want to go back to the drawing board and start all over again or they're too emotionally hooked to let go.
How any man could want a second mother is beyond me. Some of us need a mommy!Don't judge!! In reference to double standards, I would add that when a women enters the workforce after being off for many years(school,children,etc) they sometimes get the idea that their new income is THEIR own income and that the mans income is family income to pay bills. I have seen this over and over and experienced it a bit myself. My motto is your make dough , you pay half! That's just crazy. I've heard of situations like this before, but it hasn't been terribly common.
Getting back to the "girls/guys night out" issue, I was at a karaoke bar about 5 years ago and ran into a female friend who had a girlfriend of hers with her. The friend's girlfriend had her boyfriend watching her children while she was out. (they weren't even his)
After a few minutes of conversation, the boyfriend texts the girl with "hope you're having a good time, sweetie!", which she was compelled to show us. I asked her "so, does he ever come up here with you??" She told me "no, he watches the kids".
Shortly after that, she went to the bathroom, and I said to my female friend "wow, that's pathetic. He's either going to get tired of that crap and dump her or she will dump him because she can't possibly respect him. I give them 2 years maximum." My friend vehemently disagreed and insisted he was a "great guy" for doing what he did.
Lo and behold, not even a year later, I happened to see my friend's girlfriend on Facebook, and she was single again.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 25, 2019 14:00:23 GMT
@vesuvia you aren't alone. No sisitcom can express how much my ex nagged. When we first got married he got p*ssy because I hadn't done all of the laundry. I looked in the laundry hamper. Nope, nothing was in it. He then marched me into the living room. Turned out he found it easier to dump his undies (but not his socks) behind the chair in the corner. He had a mini hissy fit because I hadn't figured that out. Even weirder was that to get into the living room he still had to go past the hamper. awesomejoe73 I've seen that, but my experience was that my money paid the bills and he spent his money on his cars. @bug , I read this at first as he got pussy, not pissy! Re: everything else - sometimes it works and often it doesn't it seems, for so many reasons. My marriage never really worked though we stayed together 9 years. I worked too and looked after the kids, but my husband still resented any money of his being spent on anything for the kids, like shoes. He never saw me as an equal partner at all, but I never would have dreamed of telling him where he could sleep, or witholding sex as a punishment. We just didn't do it after a while, though stayed in the same bed while he faced away night after night. I've never felt as alone as I did in that marriage, even being single by choice many years since then. But then I see my two older children, both in their mid-30's, one with children, one without and never want them. And their marriages really work now 14 and 15 years later. I can see they each married really compatible people and honestly are far more mature in their couples than I ever was, or will be I think. They really are best friends with their spouses. And maybe ironically, or not, they both dated for years before they moved in together and got married a few years after living together. They didn't jump in or rush anything, except sex I imagine.... so maybe there is something to the idea of taking one's time to really get to know each other before committing to something much harder to get out of. Even so, I don't think you can ever really know how you or your partner are going to change as the years go by, and sometimes the changes and challenges create more of a divide than a union... or so it seems to me.
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