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Post by awesomejoe73 on Jan 23, 2020 2:52:53 GMT
^^well that's like the "I don't kiss on the first date",but often they do. I don't invite strangers home, blah blah. I learned the more something sounded as an absolute.....the more it was absolutely not reality. I remember this gal telling me how she hated cheaters but invited me to come to her home during the day while her husband was away.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 23, 2020 4:38:16 GMT
^^well that's like the "I don't kiss on the first date",but often they do. I don't invite strangers home, blah blah. I learned the more something sounded as an absolute.....the more it was absolutely not reality. I remember this gal telling me how she hated cheaters but invited me to come to her home during the day while her husband was away.
Yet married women cheating doesn't quite the same level of discussion as men cheating nor is it judged the same way.
Married man cheats - it's because he's a lowdown scumbag
Married woman cheats - the poor thing probably wasn't having her needs met.
Anyone who thinks married women cheating is a rare phenomenon should come hang out with me for a weekend and see how many of the "cougars on the prowl" I interact with are married.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 23, 2020 4:43:56 GMT
As a woman of a certain age, I'm hoping *someone* will still want me for my body~
hahahhahaha
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Post by Deleted on Jan 23, 2020 5:38:07 GMT
^^ Haha. Good point.
Pig, I wholeheartedly agree in the right circumstances, intended rules will be broken. Isn’t that the nature of rules? :)
But I’ve never heard of more sympathy or acceptance of women cheaters any more than men cheaters.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 23, 2020 6:02:41 GMT
^^ Haha. Good point. Pig, I wholeheartedly agree in the right circumstances, intended rules will be broken. Isn’t that the nature of rules? :)
But I’ve never heard of more sympathy or acceptance of women cheaters any more than men cheaters.
I have and far more often than I ever should. One of the worst offenders? Dr. Fool. (Phil) When his show first began I was with a woman who watched it and I sometimes watched it with her until I realized what a two-faced idiot he is. Male guests who cheated were subjected to being crucified, while the female guests were treated as unfulfilled wives who merely "made a mistake". This is the kind of garbage that reaches millions of viewers per day and is highly influential.
He might not engage in the same hypocrisy today, but what I saw was enough for me to never value his input on anything ever again.
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Post by julystorm22 on Jan 23, 2020 14:30:19 GMT
The timing and amount of texts to send is hard to get right. You want to show your interested but you need to set a precedent early on that a person can't be expected to text back ASAP. Three guys (out of the 8 I actually met from POF)I have liked in the last two years and texting played into things big time: Guy #1 was so awful at texting me back that it brought out all my insecurities. He would wait a solid 24 hours or more to text me back. Finally I had enough and ended things. I figured he must not be into me. After a few more guys I didn't like, I responded to a message from him and tried again but my insecurities (caused from thinking he wasn't into me based on prior texting deficiencies) caused things to destruct. Guy #2 did not text a lot at first but we had good phone convos at night so texting wasn't necessary. Then he went to the States to work and he texted me a lot. Guy #3 He was not an avid texter and sometimes I got the sense he wasnt into me because he texted backinly sporadocally. I actually ended things based on my feeling that he wasn't so into me because he didn't text me back often. Almost all the guys online who I didn't like are avid texters. And then I find myself hesitant to text back. I think it is a generational thing. I don't think I come across as needy. Just because I have all these insecure feelings doesn't mean I actually share them. I try really hard to hide it. The thing is, I am often accused of ignoring texts and not texting back by various people including online prospects. In this day and age where people are constantly checking their phones, it's a big problem. Everyone expects to get texted back ASAP. Here are the truths I've figured out: 1) Guys who take forever to text back are either not too into you or they are trying to play it cool 2) Guys who text constantly are into you. I have had many guys I am not into constantly text me and as I am not super into the guy, I try to space my texts and not text back too quickly I wish I could eliminate texting with dating entirely. Unfortunately, it seems to now be a major component of a relationship. I have ended quite a few online prospects because they message me too much and it becomes irritating. |
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Post by Deleted on Jan 23, 2020 15:33:11 GMT
1) Guys who take forever to text back are either not too into you or they are trying to play it cool |
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Post by Deleted on Jan 23, 2020 16:14:55 GMT
1) Guys who take forever to text back are either not too into you or they are trying to play it cool Or they are chatting to multiple Women and chasing them more. |
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Post by Deleted on Jan 23, 2020 16:38:04 GMT
What ever happened to direct communication? Meaning telling the other person you’re interested, or would like to see them again, or you like them... or not?
Seems there’s a text code many use from what July says. But without direct and honest communication by text, phone, or in person, everyone could be on a different code, which to me is so wasteful of time and energy and easily creates misunderstandings guessing how they feel by how often or quickly they text back, or letting them guess how you feel.
I find real honesty goes a long way in all forms of communication and all relationships. Anything else is mind games in my opinion and tends to come across as manipulative, especially in the early stages of dating.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 23, 2020 16:54:43 GMT
What ever happened to direct communication? Meaning telling the other person you’re interested, or would like to see them again, or you like them... or not? Seems there’s a text code many use from what July says. But without direct and honest communication by text, phone, or in person, everyone could be on a different code, which to me is so wasteful of time and energy. I find real honesty goes a long way in all forms of communication and all relationships. Anything else is mind games in my opinion and tends to come across as manipulative, especially in the early stages of dating. Direct communication seems to be hard for to many people and so many things are taken out of context whether that be positive or negative thing as people love to make up stuff in dreamland, hence, Projecting what they want to be believe.
The thing is willow. A lot of Women say and this goes for men too that they want complete honesty. I can tell you now that not many can handle brutal to the point honesty . It sounds good to them. But the reality doesn't sit to well.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 23, 2020 18:52:59 GMT
^ Yes I get that, spectra. There is reality, and then there’s dreamality for so many, hoping the other person could be or become really compatible, but all too often realising they are not. The hope can create some wishful thinking, acting and projecting.
Honesty is hard. Think it takes a lifetime sometimes to learn to be honest without it being brutal or cruel. Of course we can’t be responsible for another’s reaction, but still it’s hard when you know there is going to be disappointment or another hurtful behavior coming from the other person in response.
I really think communication skills both expressing and listening would be great to teach in school. But even with both people trying to be honest and understanding, one’s subjectivity level of consciousness will reveal how another’s honesty will be received and processed.
Society too often tells us we’re responsible for another’s feelings, or they’re responsible for ours. But that’s a distortion, yet has become automatically ingrained in most of us. Learning to undo that is important, yet if both people are not on the same page with that one, honesty will often seem cruel and hurtful.
We can still be considerate with how we express ourselves, but not expressing things at all becomes another way many tread this tightrope.
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Post by awesomejoe73 on Jan 23, 2020 20:28:33 GMT
I never had to respond to texting because I put my sim card into a plain flip phone. I have a big habit of playing dumb when it comes to technology..although I built my own pc. I don't have a real facebook for example just one with a fake name that I need for business offers. I realized the only way to win THAT game is not to play it. Someone wants to reach me they gotta PHONE me.or email.
THEY VALUE honesty , as long as it is what they want to hear.
Basically correct. Most men who play the number game devise a system that is most efficient use of their time.
Maybe but that is an example of my "push/pull theory"..Pig will tell you more about that. By showing less interest in the guy you actually make them pursue more. They may actually have very little interest but "hard to get" has created an interest. Fight /flight response of sorts.
A case of womens perogative. Whats interesting is women are more likely to cheat for emotional reasons which makes it harder to end the affair. IMHO that's a real betrayal. Men at least most of the time still love their spouses and its just for sex..like going to a hooker without payment. I mean if a guy goes to a hooker is he cheating? That's debatable.
Yeah because the spouse withholding sex for 3 yrs wasn't guilty of unfulfilling the man.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 23, 2020 21:01:15 GMT
I don't have a real facebook for example just one with a fake name that I need for business offers.
This probably sounds weird, but my greatest use for Facebook is for knowing where people I want to avoid are. Everyone has a raging boner for doing the "check in" thing and when I see they're at a club I was intending to go, I'll go somewhere else.
Maybe but that is an example of my "push/pull theory"..Pig will tell you more about that. By showing less interest in the guy you actually make them pursue more. They may actually have very little interest but "hard to get" has created an interest. Fight /flight response of sorts.
Oh yes, there's some validity in the "we want that which retreats from us" concept, but one can break this mindset if they really want to. It's easier when one keeps their proverbial "plate" of options full. There's not a woman on Earth who's getting any "chase" out of me.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 23, 2020 21:10:14 GMT
^ Yes I get that, spectra. There is reality, and then there’s dreamality for so many, hoping the other person could be or become really compatible, but all too often realising they are not. The hope can create some wishful thinking, acting and projecting. Honesty is hard. Think it takes a lifetime sometimes to learn to be honest without it being brutal or cruel. Of course we can’t be responsible for another’s reaction, but still it’s hard when you know there is going to be disappointment or another hurtful behavior coming from the other person in response. I really think communication skills both expressing and listening would be great to teach in school. But even with both people trying to be honest and understanding, one’s subjectivity level of consciousness will reveal how another’s honesty will be received and processed. Society too often tells us we’re responsible for another’s feelings, or they’re responsible for ours. But that’s a distortion, yet has become automatically ingrained in most of us. Learning to undo that is important, yet if both people are not on the same page with that one, honesty will often seem cruel and hurtful. We can still be considerate with how we express ourselves, but not expressing things at all becomes another way many tread this tightrope. What I mean by Brutal is the 100% truthful without cruel aspects.
I know you say about it being taught in school. But I do feel kids would benefit more from how Mother and Father relate to each other more.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 24, 2020 3:05:07 GMT
^ I knew what you meant by brutal honesty. My point was many take it as cruel, even though that's not the intention. I guess a similar level of consciousness with both people is really what helps understanding each other and supports utterly honest communication.
Re: parents being best role models. Only if their communication is good. If not, as in my case, it teaches you all the ways not to communicate. That was the basis of my suggesting it being part of a basic life skills package I wish school curriculums would adopt.
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