Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 31, 2019 0:47:40 GMT
Not to be for me. I found after years of daring to reach out and meet people just a couple of times a year, it didn't work for me. And it wasn't like tinder where you swipe and meet or not, you actually put a wee bit more effort into it.
But I came to realise it's backwards. People could read about you and look at photos and we know how subjective they can be 'cause we project onto the pics what the person must look like if we've never met them. Never mind people posting photos 10 or even 20 years younger, at least men did it quite regularly and would lie about their age and pretend it was an accident....
So it seems it's backwards to me to 'meet' online first compared to the way we usually meet people, or used to, which is if there is an attraction or interest both people feel in person first, then you'd want to know more. But to know more before you even meet in person never seemed to work well for me, or for long.
Plus maybe it was also because I couldn't really share who I was with any depth and would not want to unless I knew this was someone who I'd want to know for some time, or get to know.
So, I finally came to see the traditional way to meet is still my preference. Guess I'm old fashioned after all... at least on this subject.
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Post by cbgb77 on May 31, 2019 13:55:58 GMT
I posted this on the POF Forums about a year ago:
OLD is frustrating and alot of people say "it is is just a numbers game". Maybe it is true. I started with Our Time in 2014 and then OKC and POF. I sent out 170 messages got 84 answers which resulted in 29 first dates which turned into 10 women whom I dated multiple times but now I am only dating 1 of them(my girlfriend) who I meet 2 months ago.Actually ,she contacted me first Maybe I just got lucky but if I hadn't had my profile out there on multiple sites she never would have found me. Just wondering how the numbers game works for everyone else.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 31, 2019 14:10:53 GMT
Meeting the old fashioned way is more fun, but I did have a good run with online dating and had no tales of disaster or deception to tell other than a woman who very strangely lied about her height by 7 inches. I have no idea why she lied. Perhaps she ran into a few oddball men who had stringent height requirements? Who knows? This was far from being a tragic experience, though, of course.
The whole online dating experience is much easier if you live in a major city.
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Post by bendingbough19 on May 31, 2019 15:16:06 GMT
7 inches? That is quite a lot for someone to try to sneak under the radar. I have never really paid much attention to height so can't say if someone lied about their height in their stats. Age is a different thing though. I met several who I thought must be lying about age based on the sheer number and depth of wrinkles. They presented well overall, being fit, etc. But I just could not buy the age they were trying to sell. I recall one guy who showed up on the other site several months after we dated and his posted age was younger again by five years. Again, the body could pass for it, but not the face. I no longer believe in either online or offline dating. I guess I had a bit of a turning point a few years back when I realized I got more messages when I didn't have a photo! Hahaha, now that can wound the old self-esteem if one is not careful. In all seriousness, I think it is a stage of life thing. Perhaps after people retirement things change, but for now, people in my age range are too busy with life to make time for a relationship.
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Post by Stumour on May 31, 2019 15:41:20 GMT
Some folk find 7" rather impressive.
Coat grabbed n heading for the door......
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Post by Deleted on May 31, 2019 19:37:02 GMT
7 inches? That is quite a lot for someone to try to sneak under the radar. I have never really paid much attention to height so can't say if someone lied about their height in their stats. Age is a different thing though. I met several who I thought must be lying about age based on the sheer number and depth of wrinkles. They presented well overall, being fit, etc. But I just could not buy the age they were trying to sell. I recall one guy who showed up on the other site several months after we dated and his posted age was younger again by five years. Again, the body could pass for it, but not the face. I no longer believe in either online or offline dating. I guess I had a bit of a turning point a few years back when I realized I got more messages when I didn't have a photo! Hahaha, now that can wound the old self-esteem if one is not careful. In all seriousness, I think it is a stage of life thing. Perhaps after people retirement things change, but for now, people in my age range are too busy with life to make time for a relationship. Yes, a 7 inch height discrepancy is awfully hard to conceal. On top of this, she invited two of her girlfriends to accompany her at the last minute, one of which I ended up talking to the most out of all of them. As for you getting more messages without a picture posted, I find that quite baffling. You are a good looking woman.
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Post by awesomejoe73 on Jun 2, 2019 14:28:22 GMT
I posted this on the POF Forums about a year ago: OLD is frustrating and alot of people say "it is is just a numbers game". Maybe it is true. I started with Our Time in 2014 and then OKC and POF. I sent out 170 messages got 84 answers which resulted in 29 first dates which turned into 10 women whom I dated multiple times but now I am only dating 1 of them(my girlfriend) who I meet 2 months ago.Actually ,she contacted me first Maybe I just got lucky but if I hadn't had my profile out there on multiple sites she never would have found me. Just wondering how the numbers game works for everyone else. <iframe width="18.720000000000027" height="4.840000000000003" style="position: absolute; width: 18.720000000000027px; height: 4.840000000000003px; z-index: -9999; border-style: none;left: 15px; top: -5px;" id="MoatPxIOPT2_54962288" scrolling="no" bis_size="{"x":15,"y":-5,"w":18,"h":4,"abs_x":120,"abs_y":445}" bis_id="fr_rke0jcqurudaprtwbybh0d" bis_depth="1" bis_chainid="2"></iframe> <iframe width="18.720000000000027" height="4.840000000000003" style="position: absolute; width: 18.72px; height: 4.84px; z-index: -9999; border-style: none; left: 881px; top: -5px;" id="MoatPxIOPT2_74363406" scrolling="no" bis_size="{"x":881,"y":-5,"w":18,"h":4,"abs_x":986,"abs_y":445}" bis_id="fr_yketq3bfpqsfcdxk65hqut" bis_depth="1" bis_chainid="2"></iframe> <iframe width="18.720000000000027" height="4.840000000000003" style="position: absolute; width: 18.72px; height: 4.84px; z-index: -9999; border-style: none; left: 15px; top: 181px;" id="MoatPxIOPT2_34530275" scrolling="no" bis_size="{"x":15,"y":181,"w":18,"h":4,"abs_x":120,"abs_y":631}" bis_id="fr_x1fj3jhwv7dr40i9793lot" bis_depth="1" bis_chainid="2"></iframe> <iframe width="18.720000000000027" height="4.840000000000003" style="position: absolute; width: 18.72px; height: 4.84px; z-index: -9999; border-style: none; left: 881px; top: 181px;" id="MoatPxIOPT2_16352412" scrolling="no" bis_size="{"x":881,"y":181,"w":18,"h":4,"abs_x":986,"abs_y":631}" bis_id="fr_1whwxzd4t74081jbq8uzfa" bis_depth="1" bis_chainid="2"></iframe> Actually that is quite impressive. Your reply rate is far superior than my own. That being said, your results are testament of it being a "numbers game". Only thing is EVERYONE has a different number. Ones rate is dependent on multiple things: photo's, location, profile, actual women messages sent to, and just right time. Another fact about the number game is the success can come at any time. It can be your first meeting or your 34th meeting.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 2, 2019 17:02:38 GMT
It could have something to do with your 'picker' too. I came to see my picker was off, I think, to find absolutely no attraction with nearly everyone I met.
Even if they liked me, I often couldn't see a second meet or real date happening as my intuition is quite good and couldn't force an attraction I found, so time and time again I'd leave the meet and swear not to do it again. And six months later or so I'd get curious again and start looking for just one or two people to meet.
Also, I had to keep my profile hidden because I live in too small an area and twice total strangers I had no contact with at all from the pond recognized me, one a customer at work and the other when I was getting gas, so then I felt too exposed and not safe.
I think pig is right that it works far better in a city with more choices and anonymity helps too imo.
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pfif
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Post by pfif on Jun 18, 2019 14:39:10 GMT
I've never seen it done right.
Imagine this Frivolity board, where the primary means of making a connection was entirely private (one on one) and instigated with a new conversational partner, only by browsing member profiles (with absolutely no public posts to refer to).
Not even a chatroom to resort to.
OLD is a business, first .. it doesn't have to offer a high rate of proveables .. to show a profit.
The POF culture (as expressed in profile contents) was toxic at best, for at least a decade. It was very clear that bad ideas spread quickly, there (from profile to profile).
It hardly matters if your neighbor did well in that environment .. in the very same way that their winnings at the casino are not yours (their success has no impact, at all, on your own).
The best you can do is learn what the odds are (and avoid most kinds of bets).
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Post by cooldog65 on Jun 21, 2019 16:12:27 GMT
To sum up my experience in online dating...
I'm interested...they're not.
They're interested...I'm not.
That equals zero online dates.
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Post by bendingbough19 on Jul 17, 2019 1:53:35 GMT
I have a few friends (acquaintances) who regularly date those they meet online. Although I don't access their dating profiles, I have access to their public Instagram accounts and have been involved in enough of their conversations to know that they are posting several of these photos on their dating profiles. The odd thing (odd to me, at least) is that several of their photos are what I consider provocative. There are a couple that are from professional boudoir shoots. There are several others of them in lingerie REALLY displaying A LOT of their breasts. They get dates, and often repeat dates from the same person, but it's over my head as to why. I'm far from a prude but I wouldn't be displaying myself in such a way to just anyone. I just don't understand how this "sharing" behavior is a hit with men. I find it to be quite without class or grace. Granted, I am single, so there's that ;-).
Is this type of sharing common? It seems common from my little corner of the planet but perhaps it's fairly uncommon??
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Post by Deleted on Jul 18, 2019 5:04:23 GMT
I'm not a prude either, but don't want men wanting me just for my body. Perhaps it all has changed in the younger generations now since I also saw younger women's profiles exposing loads more than I would be comfortable doing in an online photo of me anywhere.
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Post by cooldog65 on Jul 18, 2019 17:35:37 GMT
I will try to answer you nice ladies with my male point of view. I find chicks who show themselves like this online to not be somebody I would be interested in long term.
What am I getting that everybody else hasn't already seen? How special can it be?
The hypocrisy is that I've seen profiles like this say things like no one night stands, etc...
How delusional are they? The pictures speak louder than the words.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 18, 2019 17:53:50 GMT
The hypocrisy is that I've seen profiles like this say things like no one night stands, etc...
Yes, and in my own experience, this line was one of the biggest loads of crap. Sure, their goal was to ultimately land a relationship, but the "no one night stands" line only served to make a good impression on the guy who might be "relationship material".
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 18, 2019 18:40:32 GMT
Part of me admires them for their comfort in themselves to be so open, and part of me feels sad if they feel they will only attract someone this way. Then again dating site profiles are like a sales catalogue, so best features tend to be featured. But if I just wanted one night stands, I wouldn’t go through the tediousness of a dating site like the pond when it sounds like sites like tinder are much more the place for that.
Then again human nature doesn’t need much persuasion if there’s a mutual attraction in person. Also women used to be admonished more than men if they admitted all they wanted was sex, but maybe not so much these days. Plus the ease of accessibility of porn now is another aspect of these oh so suggestible profile photos. And society pushes that image with music videos now even of tween pop icons being way too sexy in image, clothing and dance moves imo.
It’s the age old fantasy of public angel, private naughty girl. So when you show public naughty girl, it does take the mystery away and I think women are naive if they think men and other women won’t jump to certain conclusions that may or may not be true. But first impressions are usually hard to budge.
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