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Post by Stumour on Aug 10, 2015 8:44:49 GMT
This is a kind of spin off from the 50/50 thread, yet also little to do with it at the same time... if ye get my drift.
Do you think most relationship issues are down to communication issues? Be it inability to put ones feelings in to words or not truly listening and absorbing what is being said. Spin off bit.... one partner may feel the other is swinging the lead, but the other does not (or will not) see that. Overlaps with dysfunctional families too, I guess.
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Post by tizzahell on Aug 11, 2015 3:50:35 GMT
Not necessarily, I think the biggest issues are more about having huge differences in key areas; such as finances, libido, moral compasses and, such. All the communication in the world may not change something like that. At best there could be an understanding and, compromise if parties are willing.
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Post by Stumour on Aug 11, 2015 15:33:12 GMT
what if ye're both as poor as church mice, hornier than alley cats and both took hammers to yer moral compasses, yet have SFA (Scottish Football Association) in common mentally or physically as to something to converse about? "Bend over n drop 'em!" "OK, I'll keep on eating my dry toast though" is not real communication... especially if ye're in IKEA at the time.
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Post by swannie on Aug 12, 2015 6:08:24 GMT
Communication is important and definitely adds to a relationship breakdown. That's why couples therapy can work so well.
I think many people have issues they won't recognise and so maybe communication breakdown with one's self is often the reason relationships suffer.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 13, 2015 0:48:17 GMT
I think many people have issues they won't recognise and so maybe communication breakdown with one's self is often the reason relationships suffer. ^^^ This. I tried to write about this the other night, but couldn't maintain focus because of this stupid flu, but I'm back now. Hahaha. The reason I agree with this statement is that you can have one person actually expressing theirself well while the other person refuses to listen, accept or deal with the issue. When I left my son's father he finally ran to counseling then begged me to join. The counselor had us do homework - a paper about the things that bothered us about the other. He didn't so the homework. The counselor read mine then asked him if I ever told him the same things. He said yes. When asked why he didn't do anything about it is response was "I didn't think it was important." So if the other person, or both persons, aren't willing to work on the issues how can they communicate?
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Post by Deleted on Aug 13, 2015 20:34:59 GMT
One of the bad things is that I no longer am willing to work on things. Once I feel ignored I will shut down because I'm not wasting my breath on a brick wall.
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Post by tizzahell on Aug 14, 2015 20:38:04 GMT
oh man there are some groups here that need lessons in communication! My BF feed is nothing but the latest between a local union and, council. There was a long emotional dispute/strike by the city employees... and today there was a letter posted where the union requested that the mayor and, council do not attend the labour day picnic they host
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Post by Deleted on Aug 14, 2015 22:27:51 GMT
^^^ I'm not sure if you should laugh or cry.
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Post by tizzahell on Aug 15, 2015 6:41:23 GMT
lol that should have read FB feed. 13 hours later and, the debate about it is still going on! Admins in some of the local groups just deleted the post though. It is funny how some people like to spread these things to every single group they belong to... buy and sell, customer review, etc
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Post by Deleted on Aug 16, 2015 3:55:29 GMT
Eh, BF feed, FB feed, all the same thing to some people. :p
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Post by tizzahell on Sept 5, 2015 21:28:53 GMT
social media is just another form of communication for some of us
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Post by Deleted on May 29, 2019 4:49:08 GMT
I think communication is huge and a make or break in a relationship. I witnessed it with my parents all of their lives together that they were great when there were no conflicts, but they also were terrible and never learned how to communicate when either was hurting.
They didn't have good role models in their parents of how to communicate well, so they weren't good role models for their children either. It seems to me we pass down what we haven't learned to do better. So the best and worst of us pass down to our children and then there is even more to heal.
In my marriage, rather than having everything out in the open like my parents from happy to unhappy, content to frustration.... we didn't communicate much at all and just let things slide in a semi ok state, even wonderful things happening never really got us to share in them together like I'd see my parents do when they were good.
So I feel that communication is key to the success or failure of any relationship whether marital, parental, friends, colleagues, family, etc. because if you don't crack the code of your own issues and learn how to share with others, especially our nearest and dearest, it will come out in really inappropriate ways until we address what's going on and be able to talk about it in an open, honest and respectful way so understanding can happen... or so it seems to me.
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Post by bendingbough19 on May 31, 2019 1:09:56 GMT
It wasn't until my 50s before I ever *truly* considered the importance of communication. Prior to that, I thought as long as it 'appeared' as though you were getting along with whomever, all was good.
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Post by Deleted on May 31, 2019 2:48:41 GMT
Look at the amount of couples that sit on a sofa night after night barely chatting and laughing. Sometimes lack of communication can be just as revealing.
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Post by Deleted on May 31, 2019 3:39:32 GMT
That's actually something that was gifted to me at a rather young age. (about 7 or 8 years old) My grampa told me that if I could go to bed at night and not feeling guilty about anything or have any regrets, then wake up in the morning and honestly like the person that I saw in the mirror, that the odds were pretty good other people would grow to trust and like me too. The result was that I've never treated my life like a popularity contest and I never will. I speak my mind honestly and openly. That way I believe the people who do like me to do so for the right reasons, and those who don't care for me likely weren't the type of crowd I'd care to spend my time with anyhoo. Unfortunate, but no big loss
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