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Post by Deleted on Jun 1, 2019 12:43:13 GMT
I speak my mind as well, which is probably why Im not in a relationship :) Many people want sugar coated watered down versions of polite truths, they mostly ignore. Well stepping on toes does work to resolve communication issues with the stubborn. Hurting a person's feelings is sometimes a needed catalyst for change.
Strong personalities tend to attract one another, cause the raw truth is what we prefer.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 1, 2019 17:56:45 GMT
".......Strong personalities tend to attract one another, cause the raw truth is what we prefer.' I agree. Even though they also say opposites attract, I haven't experienced that. Strong, honest, raw personalities is what drew us all here, I think too, with more of the same arriving from where we were restrained in our expression. Strong does not mean without heart or uncaring, but I find it can get me in trouble when my sword is too sharp for the situation and, in fact, a less deadly, or softer form of expression would be much more effective.
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Post by awesomejoe73 on Jun 6, 2019 17:04:48 GMT
Look at the amount of couples that sit on a sofa night after night barely chatting and laughing. Sometimes lack of communication can be just as revealing. Ill be doing that later. When your with someone a long time ...silence is a form of communication.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 6, 2019 17:27:55 GMT
Thinking there's silence of nothing to communicate and no energy generating at all.... and then there's silence of being utterly comfortable with ourselves and each other that the emptiness and peacefulness doesn't have to be filled up with talking out loud.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 10, 2019 19:30:52 GMT
That's where I struggle with relationships. The neverending pressure that I have to keep them constantly entertained.
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Post by cbgb77 on Jun 10, 2019 21:05:56 GMT
That's where I struggle with relationships. The neverending pressure that I have to keep them constantly entertained. I have that problem with my cats.
"With the lights out, it's less dangerous Here we are now, entertain us"
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Post by Deleted on Jun 10, 2019 23:27:04 GMT
May be a wee bit off topic, but love the photos you keep sharing of your beautiful cats, cbgb77. They are wonderful, clearly love you and the camera too! I love their connection with each other and that they definitely have this relationship and communication stuff figured out.
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Post by Stumour on Jun 11, 2019 0:09:49 GMT
Communication, eh? Can go on many levels. You may try to communicate, but if the other party is not receptive, a nice brick wall is the ideal alternative. My tinitus is utterly unbelievable at times and I can go nearly deaf with the noise. One time, my ex (who a few on here know... the witch) was complaining about some high pitched whine (I did NOT tell her to shut up to stop it) in a film we were watching. I just looked at her n said, "What noise?" She didn't believe I could not hear it.... thereafter, she kinda realised I wasn't ignoring her when I failed to respond.
Ah, tinitus.... never leaves ye in peace, but can give ye peace when ye cannae be arsed to communicate
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Post by Deleted on Jun 11, 2019 0:16:44 GMT
That's where I struggle with relationships. The neverending pressure that I have to keep them constantly entertained. If it were me (and has been), I'd say identify where the pressure is coming from in you, address it by honestly seeing why it's there and when it began, and decide to change it. It's like a whole new way of being that is much more like when you're alone with yourself and yet you are completely connected with the other person, but feeling no pressure. I found from both sides that feeling the need to be anything or act a certain way for the other person to keep them happy with you, or whatever it might be, basically takes their self-responsibility away...in your case to entertain themselves. And for you, no one wants that sort of responsibility for another person, so resentment slowly but surely appears in both people I found.
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Post by Stumour on Jun 11, 2019 0:24:26 GMT
In total agreement, @willow.... why feel pressured to constantly entertain? Why not enjoy a bit of silence n just wallow in the company of each other? Communication is 95% body language and 5% speech. A simple eye glance speaks thousands of words.
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Post by awesomejoe73 on Jun 11, 2019 12:10:46 GMT
That's where I struggle with relationships. The neverending pressure that I have to keep them constantly entertained. I have that problem with my cats.
"With the lights out, it's less dangerous Here we are now, entertain us"
my cats don't let us sleep. There are raptors in disguise alternating between themselves to keep us up.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 11, 2019 21:55:36 GMT
'Raptors in disguise'.... great way to put it, awesomejoe73 . Wish there was a solution, but sounds like yours are more nocturnal, so come to life in turns when you want to sleep. I used to call it witching hour when my cats got really active late at night, but few of my cats have been like yours. Have you tried a little chamomile maybe in their evening meal? Btw, to get your reply out of the quote box, before you start writing be sure to slide the quote box up the little bit it goes, which opens up a space below it to write. I find it I start writing in the quote box, almost impossible to get it out without backing up and starting again.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 11, 2019 22:03:03 GMT
That's where I struggle with relationships. The neverending pressure that I have to keep them constantly entertained. If it were me (and has been), I'd say identify where the pressure is coming from in you, address it by honestly seeing why it's there and when it began, and decide to change it. It's like a whole new way of being that is much more like when you're alone with yourself and yet you are completely connected with the other person, but feeling no pressure. I found from both sides that feeling the need to be anything or act a certain way for the other person to keep them happy with you, or whatever it might be, basically takes their self-responsibility away...in your case to entertain themselves. And for you, no one wants that sort of responsibility for another person, so resentment slowly but surely appears in both people I found. I've been used to carrying most of the conversations I've had in previous relationships, and when there was silence, I could always detect their discontent by their yawns and sighs. The best way to avoid this, of course, is to stay out of relationships.
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Post by cooldog65 on Jun 17, 2019 7:54:02 GMT
^^^ Great point. I have often had to do most of the work in a relationship to keep it going. It eventually ends up one sided. I'm at this point of pretty much being burnt out on relationships.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 17, 2019 11:54:04 GMT
Yup, taking a break from romantic relationships is really healthy and necessary, I found. And who knows for how long? But it does allow you to work on your relationship with yourself and develop them with your friends that tend to be less when focusing on one person....
Or trying to find the one person who 'completes you' which I think is bs now. I'm quite complete in myself these days and only want to hang out romantically or otherwise with others who have gotten to the same place in themselves.
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