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Post by Deleted on Aug 8, 2015 0:24:32 GMT
In the early stages of dating a lot of people assume that the man pays. One of the reasons given is that this is traditional and another reason is that if he doesn't pay the woman is not someone he will value and want for a relationship. What are your thoughts and feelings on the subject?
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Post by Stumour on Aug 8, 2015 10:01:36 GMT
Well, I reckon most women actually pay more in the early stages... hair do, make-up n that*... it all adds up. Us guys have a dig o the grave, press the tin flute n spend all of a minute deciding which of our massive shoe collection to adorn our feet with.
*n dinna forget the frillies
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Post by Deleted on Aug 8, 2015 16:38:16 GMT
Too funny. On another site I used to post on this is quite the heated debate with some men accusing women of trying to score free meals while some women are saying that the man is either a cheapskate or just looking for sex in the parking lot if he doesn't pay.
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Post by Stumour on Aug 8, 2015 21:35:17 GMT
Parking lot? Sake, that's a tad exhibitionist. What's wrong with the dimly lit romance of an alley against they big bins?
Another thing I forgot about the fellas... we have to even iron the front o our shirts if we're goin all out to impress (dinna need the rest... just keep the jacket on)
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Post by Deleted on Aug 9, 2015 8:17:49 GMT
The first online date I had many moons ago I didn't know just to meet for coffee first meet, but went out to dinner. He proceeded to tell me how this online dating was costing him a fortune and he still wasn't getting any sex.
I made sure I paid my share that night and have done it ever since....and I have to say guys really appreciate it. Pride just doesn't enter because I really don't make who pays a big thing.
Really never understood why it's assumed the guy pays...what am I, a child? And even in relationships I tend t pay my share, or pay for the next meal...it just feels better to me when it's balanced financially.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 10, 2015 3:08:27 GMT
My mother always said be prepared to pay. What I'm finding interesting are the women that equate having the dates paid for as proof the man is seriously infesting in a relationship and feel entitled/valued. Con artists start out that way too.
I'm not saying that there aren't men that do want to pay, but I'm not comfortable with the expectation of him having to pay.
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Post by Stumour on Aug 10, 2015 8:35:44 GMT
It has to be said there are gold diggers out there. That goes for men too. Wonder how often the "forgot my wallet" line has been used???
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Who Pays?
Aug 12, 2015 6:16:32 GMT
via mobile
Post by swannie on Aug 12, 2015 6:16:32 GMT
My mother always said there's no such thing as a free lunch ... so you are expected to pay for it one way or another. Paying your own way ensures no mixed messages.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 2, 2018 16:07:46 GMT
Hi greyson! This can be a fun topic with different opinions. Some men feel taken advantage of and have coined the phrase dinner whore. There was even an article a couple years back about a woman in New York that was saving money by going to dinner. I found that shameful. Talk about taking the enjoyment out of dating.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 2, 2018 21:45:05 GMT
^ bug just reminded me of the one I heard... first date gets cancelled because of either his/her having a personal/work emergency, but they agree to try again. A few days later she texts him that she's free and if he's up for it to meet him at a particular bar/restaurant for dinner...
He shows up and she's at a table with two or three of her girlfriends, and her post then becomes a rant about how "cheap" he was because he balked at buying not only her but her friends too, drinks and dinner.
Talk about entitled? She basically ambushed him with her friends (didn't tell him ahead of time it wasn't just her) and then expects him to pay for them too?
And she rants about how bad a date *he* was.
I'm pretty simple, I don't mind paying - but I'm also paying attention. If she offers to pay I'll probably say no, I'll pay, but I'll notice she offered, maybe accept if she says "at least let me leave the tip". That's why a simple coffee meet&greet is probably better, with maybe a meal after optional, I'd prefer to have a little time talking in person, not just to see if there's any attraction/interest there but also to get an impression of their personality (morals?). If I'm gonna get "taken advantage of" I'm gonna mind a $2 coffee far less than a $20 meal.
My personal opinion, people that are complaining about being "used" are putting way too much expectation on online dating. It's somewhat backwards from IRL where typically you meet the person immediately so you know if there's physical attraction instantly, you're talking in person so you get the body language, vocal cues, etc, fairly quickly. Online you usually get scrappy pictures that could be fake/old, text/chat that doesn't give you the verbal/physical cues...
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Post by cooldog65 on May 31, 2019 3:29:37 GMT
Well, I reckon most women actually pay more in the early stages... hair do, make-up n that*... it all adds up. Us guys have a dig o the grave, press the tin flute n spend all of a minute deciding which of our massive shoe collection to adorn our feet with. * n dinna forget the frilliesWomen pay for these things already whether they're dating or not.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 1, 2019 12:55:56 GMT
I usually pay my own way, depending on where I live. Here in the states demographics definitely play a major role. Being I have lived in 11 states now I can honestly say that out west dutch is more the norm. Up north its whom ever asked pays. In the south however a true southerner will always pay for their date, and get offended when a woman tries to pay, even if half. Ive ran off dates here trying to pay for half of any tab. Its the southern version of a red flag, that a woman is too independent to be in a relationship.
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Post by awesomejoe73 on Jun 2, 2019 14:17:44 GMT
Where is Kokaine? He has thoughts on this!
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Post by Deleted on Jun 2, 2019 15:20:17 GMT
Hi awesomejoe73 ! Maybe you could invite him? The more the merrier and those arriving from the pond now seem grateful to be in good and familiar company again with the added bous of much more freedom. Re: who pays? I don't invest before dates (when I used to go on dates:) except putting more time and energy into my appearance. But I still offer and follow through with payiing for myself, or half the bill to be fair. Here $20 would not buy dinner except in a fast food joint. More like $40 minimum if you have a drink and add tip of course. Add second drink, appetizer and dessert or coffee and it's easily $70+ each person. Hence no dinner dates with strangers is still my motto. Hell, I only have dinner out on very special occasions with my nearest and dearest at these rates. Lunch is a little more reasonable, but coffee and walk and a talk I would find is no big investment on anyone's part and easily can predict if a dinner date will ever be an option worth buying.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 2, 2019 15:30:09 GMT
I'm no fan of dinner dates either. Rarely go out to eat, on occasion with family or friends. Actually prefer to eat alone while reading something.
An ice cream cone on a hot day and a walk down by the river would be lovely though.Won't break anybody's bank~
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