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Post by Deleted on Jan 18, 2020 11:30:36 GMT
Once upon a time we had no cell phones and without so much instant written contact meant anticipation could build for the next meeting with both people, not constant affirmation of interest, which eventually gets old for everybody in my opinion. With a generation of people now writing and reading messages more than talking in person, I wonder how much more impersonal are we going to get? Bingo. It's all about the anticipation buildup, and how can one have any genuine anticipation over someone they're likely burned out on by the end of the week of endless texting??
I tell all my male friends and family members it's better to have a new woman you meet wanting more of you than her feeling overexposed to you.
I've had several of them say "but she texts me first and wants to talk". It's up to the guy to tell her he's busy, but can't wait to see her again. There should already be a concrete plan to see each other again at this point, anyway. Most women would rather wonder about the guy than to see him being a predictable fool who's there every night from 8:00-11:00 to text with her...and these women know it.
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Post by bendingbough19 on Jan 18, 2020 17:12:02 GMT
I find frequent texting, calling, intant messaging, and so on annoying. Does anyone remember the cartoon with the big dog and little dog and the little dog was always saying, "hey mister, hey mister" and the big dog would cuff him when he finally had enough? I feel like the big dog a lot of times. Mind you, I am "hounded" with communications as a result of my job so my tolerance might be a little low as a result. Also, I read a lot and tend to "live in my head" so I don't find I have a ton of need to constantly relate to other people. All that "relating" just seems so bloody exhausting and annoying.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 20, 2020 0:19:02 GMT
^ I think being hounded may be a little bit involved. But, I think it's just exhausting in general bendingbough19. It's the 20 messages that could all be included in one that is an issue too. Anyhoo, Lass got back to me tonight that initially messaged me a week ago. Her :Hi. Hope all is well Me:Hi, All is good and yourself? Her:Hi. How are you? Me: No reply. I'm gone and can't be arsed. You already know I'm Good.
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Post by Behind Blue Eyes on Jan 20, 2020 3:05:37 GMT
Sometimes I have to wonder why did someone look at my profile? I go look at their profile and it is clearly spelled out they only date "XXX" men. The last one, she has it in her profile that she only wants to date black men. My pictures are there and there is no mistaking me for a black male.....
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Post by Deleted on Jan 20, 2020 14:23:05 GMT
I worked with a Black lad that would get quite a bit of attention from white girls because of trying to get pregnant. He did have 10 kids :) I see it here and there on POF too. I don't mind some Black lasses, Asian ETC. But I've never felt inclined to stick it on my profile.
One thing I did like about the lad is if a woman started any crap with him he'd just leave the house without saying anything. Slip out like as he wasn't willing to argue with them because that is what they want ;)He'd turn up a week later and if she continued again with BS , Off he went again.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 20, 2020 23:26:58 GMT
^ I think being hounded may be a little bit involved. But, I think it's just exhausting in general bendingbough19 . It's the 20 messages that could all be included in one that is an issue too. Anyhoo, Lass got back to me tonight that initially messaged me a week ago. Her :Hi. Hope all is well Me:Hi, All is good and yourself? Her:Hi. How are you? Me: No reply. I'm gone and can't be arsed. You already know I'm Good. That's some funny shit. Another thing I hate is something I refer to as "stampede texting". Nothing irks me more than when a woman texts me and she sends multiple single line texts before I can even send one. Get it ALL OUT in one text, then wait for me to respond before sending another.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 21, 2020 0:27:24 GMT
^ I think being hounded may be a little bit involved. But, I think it's just exhausting in general bendingbough19 . It's the 20 messages that could all be included in one that is an issue too. Anyhoo, Lass got back to me tonight that initially messaged me a week ago. Her :Hi. Hope all is well Me:Hi, All is good and yourself? Her:Hi. How are you? Me: No reply. I'm gone and can't be arsed. You already know I'm Good. That's some funny shit. Another thing I hate is something I refer to as "stampede texting". Nothing irks me more than when a woman texts me and she sends multiple single line texts before I can even send one. Get it ALL OUT in one text, then wait for me to respond before sending another. Exactly that. The phone constantly going off is what makes me die inside.
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Post by julystorm22 on Jan 21, 2020 6:22:01 GMT
The timing and amount of texts to send is hard to get right. You want to show your interested but you need to set a precedent early on that a person can't be expected to text back ASAP.
Three guys (out of the 8 I actually met from POF)I have liked in the last two years and texting played into things big time:
Guy #1 was so awful at texting me back that it brought out all my insecurities. He would wait a solid 24 hours or more to text me back. Finally I had enough and ended things. I figured he must not be into me. After a few more guys I didn't like, I responded to a message from him and tried again but my insecurities (caused from thinking he wasn't into me based on prior texting deficiencies) caused things to destruct.
Guy #2 did not text a lot at first but we had good phone convos at night so texting wasn't necessary. Then he went to the States to work and he texted me a lot.
Guy #3 He was not an avid texter and sometimes I got the sense he wasnt into me because he texted backinly sporadocally. I actually ended things based on my feeling that he wasn't so into me because he didn't text me back often.
Almost all the guys online who I didn't like are avid texters. And then I find myself hesitant to text back.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 21, 2020 13:04:44 GMT
^ julystorm22 , I’m guessing it’s a generational thing, but your post illustrates to me where texts have become much too important it seems to you. Guys in general I find are not huge text responders. Ok, my son in his mid 20’s is great at responding to his girl friends’ texts. But he’s the only one I know who is and he is that much younger than you. It seems to me you are creating your insecurities in relationships by judging the man’s interest in you based on how quickly or frequently they text back. If I were you, switch that whole mental and emotional perspective off. You are so much more worthy as a person than what anyone could convince you by text. And no one can convince you by any means if you’re not convincing you. Most guys I know, like most girls I know, are put off by anyone who comes across as needy. And again, only you can change that in you. Maybe take habitual texts and phone calls out of your relationships, or potential relationships, altogether. Try it without and see if things are better once you get over that constant need for affirmation. Sorry, but I don’t see any relationship really working for you until you do this and change this need in you.
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Post by awesomejoe73 on Jan 22, 2020 19:46:15 GMT
I'm not a prude either, but don't want men wanting me just for my body. Perhaps it all has changed in the younger generations now since I also saw younger women's profiles exposing loads more than I would be comfortable doing in an online photo of me anywhere. Well obvious things have changed but the old fashion view of women being virtuous is dead. a SOCIETY with a high divorce rate..mostly initiated by women has sealed that deal. Therefore, its all about attraction. Seeing the "goods" is better than the unknown. My gal wears short skirts and high boots, and I like that. If I pick a gal who only wears blue jeans in her pics...how do I know she will not always wear blue jeans? As for comments like " no one night stands"..blah blah blah. When they say that I didn't take it seriously and it was a red flag because its shows imho baggage. Its similar to the infamous "I don't like drama" where men have experienced those that say that seem to be bathing in it.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 22, 2020 20:09:03 GMT
I'm not virtuous, dear Joe. Far from it. My point was I'm just not giving my goods away in an online public profile photo. And to be clear, I was talking about photos that had incredibly low necklines that barely covered their boobs. To me you can sensuously show yourself leaving something to the imagination, that's all.
So you think the high divorce rate is mostly initiated by women? That's an interesting view. Are you really blaming women for the divorce rate? I don't have that experience, nor have I known any couple where divorce was not the culmination of both people no longer feeling loved nor appreciated in the relationship.
In my experience and observations it takes two people to make a couple, and two people to break it.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 22, 2020 20:37:24 GMT
I'm not a prude either, but don't want men wanting me just for my body. Perhaps it all has changed in the younger generations now since I also saw younger women's profiles exposing loads more than I would be comfortable doing in an online photo of me anywhere. Well obvious things have changed but the old fashion view of women being virtuous is dead. a SOCIETY with a high divorce rate..mostly initiated by women has sealed that deal. Therefore, its all about attraction. Seeing the "goods" is better than the unknown. My gal wears short skirts and high boots, and I like that. If I pick a gal who only wears blue jeans in her pics...how do I know she will not always wear blue jeans? As for comments like " no one night stands"..blah blah blah. When they say that I didn't take it seriously and it was a red flag because its shows imho baggage. Its similar to the infamous "I don't like drama" where men have experienced those that say that seem to be bathing in it. These are many of the red flags I look for. The drama one is wide berth time. What they mean is don't speak your mind and put up with their nonsense.
One of my biggest pet peeve is a picture with their tongue out pierced. Classy Women... and on profile. No ONS, SMH...
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Post by awesomejoe73 on Jan 23, 2020 0:32:20 GMT
I think that might be generational. I won't like that but maybe today's youth does? I noticed on that popular British Netflix series...SEX EDUCATION, the main female lead has a nose ring.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 23, 2020 1:48:50 GMT
I think that might be generational. I won't like that but maybe today's youth does? I noticed on that popular British Netflix series...SEX EDUCATION, the main female lead has a nose ring. Women in their mid 40's. They could just write it on their profiles like others do.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 23, 2020 2:04:41 GMT
I'm not a prude either, but don't want men wanting me just for my body. Perhaps it all has changed in the younger generations now since I also saw younger women's profiles exposing loads more than I would be comfortable doing in an online photo of me anywhere. As for comments like " no one night stands"..blah blah blah. When they say that I didn't take it seriously and it was a red flag because its shows imho baggage. Its similar to the infamous "I don't like drama" where men have experienced those that say that seem to be bathing in it. Pay no attention to what they say. Pay attention to what they do. When it's just the right scenario, rule books tend to fly right out the window.
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