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Post by bendingbough19 on Jul 19, 2019 3:16:53 GMT
I'm not a prude either, but don't want men wanting me just for my body. Perhaps it all has changed in the younger generations now since I also saw younger women's profiles exposing loads more than I would be comfortable doing in an online photo of me anywhere. I guess I could somewhat comprehend it if it were young women, and certainly these women are younger than I. They are between 43 and 48, so while I acknowledge that as younger, I also don't consider it young, and certainly consider them old enough to have a little more "common" sense. What is that saying? Common sense ain't so common or something to that effect :-).
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Post by julystorm22 on Dec 28, 2019 20:38:01 GMT
Going back to the original question--online dating, to be or not to be. I'm really not too optimistic but really, is there an alternative? How many people here have gone on a date with someone they haven't met via online dating within the last 5 years? I have never gone on a date resulted from real life in my life. Every single one of my dates has resulted from an online dating site.
I have daydreamed for years about the "meeting a guy in real life, liking him and him asking me out" scenario for the past 23 years and it has never happened. There have been so many guys I like but 95% were already taken and the rest never showed interest. I feel like meeting someone from online is just so artificial, like a place where you go to find leftovers. Yet I do it over and over, with significant breaks in between, because it's a much better alternative than waiting for real life magic.
Having to go online makes a person believe they are undesirable. I look at myself in the mirror and I don't think I'm ugly looking but I know I'm not good-looking either. And people who are less good-looking than me find love all the time, I see it amongst acquaintances. I've asked people (guys who rejected me, friends, family) who know me, what I'm doing wrong because I want to improve myself, I've asked for honesty and people keep telling me the same things: that I'm a nice person, I'm fun to be with, I have a lot of good qualities, that I'll find someone. But I don't get much constructive criticism, something that would help me, which makes me think there's something wrong with me I can't change, maybe my ears are too big or my neck is weird or something. I went through high school with no one interested in me that I knew of and I look back at pictures of myself and I think I was reasonably attractive then but no one showed any interest. And when I got older and did online dating (and even before that) there were several guys who showed interest but none of these guys appealed to me though I did try to give many of them a chance. And trying to return someone's interest and knowing I didn't really like them just made me feel sad and guilty if they were nice guys. It gets so frustrating dating guys you don't want to be with. I ended up with a jerk because then I didn't feel bad or guilty dating someone I didn't really like, as twisted as that sounds because they weren't nice and I didn't feel like I was using them just because I wanted a relationship. So pathetic. I just wish I could experience one good relationship that lasts longer than two months. Twice I was seeing someone I liked who appeared to like me back but one guy moved away and the other one dumped me. Those few months felt so great though that I want to feel that way again. It feels so great to be with someone you like and have them actually interested, even if its temporary.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 29, 2019 13:19:20 GMT
How many people here have gone on a date with someone they haven't met via online dating within the last 5 years?
I have. A lot. It's been within the local music scene for the most part. I often get sick of it, take a break, then jump right back in head first after several months.
I have never gone on a date resulted from real life in my life.
Going back as far as the days of the POF Forums, there have been many posts from you that left me asking myself "how the hell is that possible??" Then I remind myself you live in a small town. I'm going to be blunt....small town life sucks. Especially if you're wanting big, new, and exciting things to happen. That probably sounds arrogant and judgmental, but unless one has a raging boner for small town life, it's rather difficult to deny.
Having to go online makes a person believe they are undesirable.
No, only certain people. Online dating's biggest appeal is the convenience. People from all walks of life appreciate convenience.
But I don't get much constructive criticism, something that would help me, which makes me think there's something wrong with me I can't change.
Judging solely on your pictures online, I don't see anything "wrong" with you per se, but I really don't know how you typically dress, carry yourself, what type of body language you exude, or anything about your general personality and demeanor. Yes, looks matter, but lacking in other areas can ruin everything. For me personally, it doesn't matter how hot a woman is, if she begins to reveal a lack of confidence, the hotness level diminishes.
I know confidence is a big issue for you, and I don't profess to having a one-size-fits-all solution. I only know what worked for me, which was life kicking the shit out of me to the point where I no longer cared one iota about what anyone thought and had nothing to hold me back from being the most unbridled and unapologetic version of myself I could possibly be. It was truly a case of having to hit rock bottom to finally muster up the desire to climb to the top.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 29, 2019 15:12:39 GMT
I prefer meeting/chatting in Person rather than online. Many people are blatant liars and lie about the most trivial of stuff and give them a profile as a platform. Off they go. A lot of people tell lies to your face(There is some stats out there) to make themselves exciting so not being in person I think it would be worse by far.
I asked a lass which type of chocolate she enjoyed, then listed a few. Off she went and blocked me(first message a week ago). Funniest thing was she had nice girl in her username and plastered all over her profile. Nice, Huh? so ugly on the inside too . I just seen her headline pass by 5 mins ago saying Only good looking men need apply. She is far from that and been here a long time. Fantasist!
It is hard to imagine giving up most of my time for a Woman and finding it even harder to make effort nowadays even sending a message.. I've spent the whole weekend Playing Resident Evil 2 remake and would never get to do stuff like that unless made to feel like rubbish for doing so with the you don't cares being thrown around.
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Post by julystorm22 on Dec 30, 2019 5:35:39 GMT
Well, I'm hoping that eventually I will just get used to being alone and that I'll quit wanting to be with someone. And that my libido just kicks off.
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Post by Behind Blue Eyes on Dec 30, 2019 7:46:52 GMT
The hypocrisy is that I've seen profiles like this say things like no one night stands, etc...
Yes, and in my own experience, this line was one of the biggest loads of crap. Sure, their goal was to ultimately land a relationship, but the "no one night stands" line only served to make a good impression on the guy who might be "relationship material". I wonder if some of the ones posting no ONS are people tend to fall into them. They think by saying that the men looking for ONS will pass them by. I think the opposite happens more often. Same for the ones who post no players. A player just might take that as a challenge. Then you have the ones who say their wild days are over and they're looking for something serious.
As for the small town problem. I've seen 2 different types of small towns. The ones where it seems nothing is going on. Then others that have one or more bars with live music. Along with the later is, small towns that attract tourists of some form. I lived in the Sierras for a while and those areas had a thriving night life scene. Skiers during the winter and other outdoor activities the rest of the year.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 30, 2019 8:45:17 GMT
Going back to the original question--online dating, to be or not to be. I'm really not too optimistic but really, is there an alternative? How many people here have gone on a date with someone they haven't met via online dating within the last 5 years? I have never gone on a date resulted from real life in my life. Every single one of my dates has resulted from an online dating site. I have daydreamed for years about the "meeting a guy in real life, liking him and him asking me out" scenario for the past 23 years and it has never happened. There have been so many guys I like but 95% were already taken and the rest never showed interest. I feel like meeting someone from online is just so artificial, like a place where you go to find leftovers. Yet I do it over and over, with significant breaks in between, because it's a much better alternative than waiting for real life magic. Lol, I haven been on a date in the past 5 years, online or not. Not really looking though. In the past one of the most common places to meet someone was via work, either a coworker or someone that you met via the job. It was someplace where you often interacted with the same people over and over so you could develop something over time. I'll be honest, as a guy I would avoid that like the plague today - one wrong move, one "incorrect" comment, and you'll be in HR under sexual harassment charges and possibly lose your job. Not worth it, I took to pretty much sticking to "strictly professional, work is for work" when it comes to women. Online never really worked for me, I agree with Willow, it seems "bass ackwards", you don't get the facial/body cues, etc, that you get in person that initially attracts (or disinterests) you. Which leaves the question of where do you meet people? As I've gotten older bars/clubs aren't really anyplace I frequent; I've chatted with people at the grocery store or whatnot, but honestly you're both there to shop not date, and only have a few minutes, so it's not likely to lead anywhere. Hobbies? (Hobby groups?). I'm not really much of a group joiner though... ...and of course, honestly, I'm pretty used to being alone by now, nobody to answer to but the cats. Anyways, seems to me you need someplace where you can meet and interact with the same person (people) multiple times to get to know someone and possibly let it develop. That used to be work. Or perhaps as a single parent some activity with the child(ren) where maybe you meet other parents (of your preferred gender). Nowadays though I wonder that with the "online world" we haven't changed as a society into something far more insular/fragmented than we were 30 years ago? Impacting not only dating, but politics and other ways too. Ex: how much shopping do you do online that years ago would've required getting out in the real world and interacting with people? Technology has changed the world, but for the good socially?
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Post by Deleted on Dec 30, 2019 12:49:52 GMT
I wonder if some of the ones posting no ONS are people tend to fall into them. They think by saying that the men looking for ONS will pass them by. I think the opposite happens more often. Same for the ones who post no players. A player just might take that as a challenge. Then you have the ones who say their wild days are over and they're looking for something serious.
In many cases, it's nothing more than virtue signaling at its finest. A way of saying "I'm not like the others". For the most part, if it's a guy that pushes just the right buttons, rules tend to go right out the window.
I lived in the Sierras for a while and those areas had a thriving night life scene.
I could probably live with that, but small country towns with zero activity and everyone knows each other's business?? No way. I have family that lives in a town in Alabama where the nearest store is 20 minutes away. That would be unbearable for me.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 30, 2019 12:50:31 GMT
Well, I'm hoping that eventually I will just get used to being alone and that I'll quit wanting to be with someone. And that my libido just kicks off. I have a feeling that's really not what you're hoping for.
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Post by Behind Blue Eyes on Dec 30, 2019 13:08:38 GMT
7 inches? That is quite a lot for someone to try to sneak under the radar. I have never really paid much attention to height so can't say if someone lied about their height in their stats. Age is a different thing though. I met several who I thought must be lying about age based on the sheer number and depth of wrinkles. They presented well overall, being fit, etc. But I just could not buy the age they were trying to sell. I recall one guy who showed up on the other site several months after we dated and his posted age was younger again by five years. Again, the body could pass for it, but not the face. I no longer believe in either online or offline dating. I guess I had a bit of a turning point a few years back when I realized I got more messages when I didn't have a photo! Hahaha, now that can wound the old self-esteem if one is not careful. In all seriousness, I think it is a stage of life thing. Perhaps after people retirement things change, but for now, people in my age range are too busy with life to make time for a relationship. OK, after I read your post I went in the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror. I'm 66 and don't have many wrinkles on my face at all. I have known others who had much more 30 years younger, because they didn't wear sunglasses out doors. My last GF was 65 and didn't have many wrinkles either. I have locked at profiles of younger women who looked much older do to too much sun exposure during their lives. Add in as a Red Head, my hair has turned more blond than white, I can look younger than my real age. I see many profiles, their face doesn't look that old, but their upper chest shows how many years they were out tanning.
I learned by my 20s, that with my red hair and fair skin, the sun was not my friend and to cover up as much as I could. The biggest thing that gives my age away now, is my neck. I have been able to cut 10-15 years off my age most my life, depending what I was wearing.
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Post by Behind Blue Eyes on Dec 30, 2019 13:22:05 GMT
I wonder if some of the ones posting no ONS are people tend to fall into them. They think by saying that the men looking for ONS will pass them by. I think the opposite happens more often. Same for the ones who post no players. A player just might take that as a challenge. Then you have the ones who say their wild days are over and they're looking for something serious.
In many cases, it's nothing more than virtue signaling at its finest. A way of saying "I'm not like the others". For the most part, if it's a guy that pushes just the right buttons, rules tend to go right out the window.
I lived in the Sierras for a while and those areas had a thriving night life scene.
I could probably live with that, but small country towns with zero activity and everyone knows each other's business?? No way. I have family that lives in a town in Alabama where the nearest store is 20 minutes away. That would be unbearable for me.With where you live. The night life in Truckee or Soda Springs, would be like St Pete Beach or Treasure Island. In the hick parts of the SF bay area, those bars were like the bars in the mountain ski areas out here. There was a bar in La Honda California called Apple Jacks. I bet you would have fit right in there. Our band would play gigs there and it was a hoot.
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Post by cooldog65 on Dec 30, 2019 14:52:54 GMT
I just got a message (wink) from this profile...
www.pof.com/viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=257823346
I decided to answer back and she just now wrote back:
cooldog6512/30/2019 6:48:32 AM You need to do better than that. Step it up!
Mocos712/30/2019 6:49:47 AM Report this message for inappropriate content
Hey handsome.. I love sex.I am looking for bed partner. If u interested come on my xx profile app>>>>>https://💍💙👜.cf/LHVxM
don't worry it's free no need CC info if u not then just bye
I just now replied "Bye Felicia!"
57 years old and Caucasian...right.
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Post by cooldog65 on Dec 30, 2019 16:36:11 GMT
Well The inbox conversation has disappeared, but not before I copied it...
Your conversation with Mocos7
Mocos712/30/2019 6:43:56 AM Report this message for inappropriate content
Hey there :)
cooldog6512/30/2019 6:48:32 AM You need to do better than that. Step it up!
Mocos712/30/2019 6:49:47 AM Report this message for inappropriate content
Hey handsome.. I love sex.I am looking for bed partner. If u interested come on my xx profile app>>>>>https://💍💙👜.cf/LHVxM
don't worry it's free no need CC info if u not then just bye
cooldog6512/30/2019 6:54:18 AM Bye Felicia!
Mocos712/30/2019 6:55:27 AM Report this message for inappropriate content
If you are real then choose fuck me and join now my site
cooldog6512/30/2019 7:00:20 AM I'm real, but you're not. Therefore, I choose no thanks.
Mocos712/30/2019 7:00:33 AM Report this message for inappropriate content
babe it's my personal site it 's full free no need money no card just mail or submit
cooldog6512/30/2019 7:06:23 AM Thanks, but no thanks. Nothing is ever really "free".
Mocos712/30/2019 7:08:01 AM Report this message for inappropriate content
it 's full free
The pictures on the profile was that of a young black woman who was located in Everett, WA. Location of profile is now Houston, TX.
Most of these profiles have race listed as Caucasian, but the pictures don't match.
Scammer!
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Post by Deleted on Dec 30, 2019 16:50:47 GMT
cooldog65 Aww, I see she has been ejected from POF Land. I'm surprised haha. -------------- I'm chatting to a lass the last few days here and there on a 'get laid site' that I've used in the past and had a good conversation with her and attractive. No BS and not once has anything sexual been even insinuated by either party. We've still to sort something out. But a few drinks out would be good. POF is just shit with no effort wishy washy types.
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Post by bendingbough19 on Dec 30, 2019 17:04:38 GMT
Going back to the original question--online dating, to be or not to be. I'm really not too optimistic but really, is there an alternative? How many people here have gone on a date with someone they haven't met via online dating within the last 5 years? I have never gone on a date resulted from real life in my life. Every single one of my dates has resulted from an online dating site. I have daydreamed for years about the "meeting a guy in real life, liking him and him asking me out" scenario for the past 23 years and it has never happened. There have been so many guys I like but 95% were already taken and the rest never showed interest. I feel like meeting someone from online is just so artificial, like a place where you go to find leftovers. Yet I do it over and over, with significant breaks in between, because it's a much better alternative than waiting for real life magic. ... In the past one of the most common places to meet someone was via work, either a coworker or someone that you met via the job. It was someplace where you often interacted with the same people over and over so you could develop something over time. I'll be honest, as a guy I would avoid that like the plague today - one wrong move, one "incorrect" comment, and you'll be in HR under sexual harassment charges and possibly lose your job. Not worth it, I took to pretty much sticking to "strictly professional, work is for work" when it comes to women. ... Relationships at work are fraught with potential problems, I agree. I find that relations between males and females at work are too often targets of gossip, even to the extent of making things up. I used to work with a friend, who lacked a bit on the social side and some would accuse him of leering at them like a creep. He was indeed watching them but that was because he was a supervisor and they weren't working and he was watching to see at what point he should deem their not working to be too much and interject. Everyone was aware that he was a bit socially awkward so it felt a little mean to me when I heard this was being said about him. I have a very close friendship with another male at work. I consider him a brother. We have found that we always have to be discreet with our relationship. We usually talk on the phone, but on the occassions that we end up meeting face-to-face, we basically feel we have to hide out from the main crowd. I have had comments made to me about him being married- like a warning not to pursue him (good grief, he's 13 years my junior). And one time fairly recently, his boss saw us meeting and came over to introduce himself to me, but when he did, he looked to see if I was wearing a ring. That we hide out may add to the sense that there is something going on, I admit, but we learned we had to hide out because of the comments coming our way before we took to hiding out. Work is still used to meet people though. I am aware of at least two marriages that ended this past year due to workplace romances and at least two other relationships between people who are married to someone else. These folks work very closely with one another and if something doesn't go right with the relationship, they will continue to see each other and work interdependantly each day they are at the office. It can be awkward for them and the gossip that would ensue could make it moreso, if things go south. I guess people feel if they never take the chance, they may be missing out on a good thing.
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