pfif
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Post by pfif on Jun 14, 2019 4:19:24 GMT
This still sounds like stranger dating.
I think people can try to represent themselves accurately on the telephone, and in email (and in photos) and still have it be wrong (and kind of scary) when the two people meet in person.
These stories are never told very well (in the written form) and so it becomes like a game show, to try and guess what's what .. about the story that was told. ;)
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Post by cinnamongirl on Jun 14, 2019 4:30:45 GMT
Thank you, bendingbough.
I agree that having him over wasn't the smartest move on my part.
I got the feeling that he got a bit too relaxed, and let his guard down.
He said a number of things alluding to having had sex with many women. It was a big turn-off. He was just generally pretty immature and insensitive, in person.
Before agreeing the the visit, I discussed it with a couple of friends.
Funny that people I know in real life were telling me to take a chance for once, and live a little- that I'm always too cautious. Everyone who responded on the net about this situation thought I was being irresponsible, foolish or whatever.
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Post by awesomejoe73 on Jun 14, 2019 13:16:22 GMT
"So many other women"..... not just other women. And turn it around, if a woman had said anything like that to a man, she would be considered a slut, but if we think that of guys, it's not ok because she invited him to her home? Not only that, he complained about the feelings from these women he slept with who regretted it instead of getting the message maybe he does try and speed things up too fast for comfort, repeatedly. She even said in first post on this first in person visit he was talking about a permanent relationship with her. So I agree with cinnamongirl to let him go since these were all serious red flags when you're a woman, guys, and honestly am a little surprised you're defending him, but good to get guys' views on it because the perspectives are different. Forgot to say, what's PUA? Pretty useless anticipation? :) Has nothing to do with ok, most men are ALWAYS open for sex. Being in an intimate place , alone together can actually make it likely to happen. I met a girl and I walked her home and she invited me in to look at "photo's". Do you honestly think intimacy wasn't on the table? To look at "photo's" is like a cliche almost. Yes but I also think that line is creepy because if the guy was any GOOD women wouldn't focus on telling him how they regret it. He must be Hannibal lecture of pushy guys. I have a one nighter and more than likely the gal is making me breakfast lol. This guy is being shown the door. That means something, too pushy, manipulative, I don't know.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 14, 2019 18:26:04 GMT
"So many other women"..... not just other women. And turn it around, if a woman had said anything like that to a man, she would be considered a slut, but if we think that of guys, it's not ok because she invited him to her home? Not only that, he complained about the feelings from these women he slept with who regretted it instead of getting the message maybe he does try and speed things up too fast for comfort, repeatedly. She even said in first post on this first in person visit he was talking about a permanent relationship with her. So I agree with cinnamongirl to let him go since these were all serious red flags when you're a woman, guys, and honestly am a little surprised you're defending him, but good to get guys' views on it because the perspectives are different. Forgot to say, what's PUA? Pretty useless anticipation? :) Has nothing to do with ok, most men are ALWAYS open for sex. Being in an intimate place , alone together can actually make it likely to happen. I met a girl and I walked her home and she invited me in to look at "photo's". Do you honestly think intimacy wasn't on the table? To look at "photo's" is like a cliche almost. Yes but I also think that line is creepy because if the guy was any GOOD women wouldn't focus on telling him how they regret it. He must be Hannibal lecture of pushy guys. I have a one nighter and more than likely the gal is making me breakfast lol. This guy is being shown the door. That means something, too pushy, manipulative, I don't know. Yes, that's another good point. Unless the woman was drunk out of her mind, the sex was bad, or she was duped into believing they were going to be in a relationship but ended up not, why would the woman have any regrets? This is precisely why I tell all of my male friends to be 100% honest with their intentions. If a woman goes into a one night situation knowing what to expect afterward, 9 times out of 10, she's not going to have regrets. Nobody wants to be deceived. Contrary to popular belief, not every woman in the dating world is looking for a relationship.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 14, 2019 18:50:15 GMT
I get yours and Joe's points. Again it's good to hear men's perspectives.
Think we, men and women, have all had happy one night stands, and unhappy one night stands. And sometimes women (and men?) give in when we might wish we had not ... maybe where those women were coming from, but without asking them, who knows?
Something else came to mind too. I forget how normal it is these days that people meet, have sex, then part again and onto the next person. It is a different and fast paced way to make a physical connection, much like life is in general these days. Think we always did it that way sometimes, but it seems more the norm now with online meeting. Swipe, meet or not, have sex, and part.
Maybe it's more honest in some ways, but for those who do want a relationship, or want to take more time to become intimate, this won't work for them imo.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 14, 2019 20:20:32 GMT
Sex outside of relationships has been around forever and will continue to exist. Has the internet made accessibility much easier? Sure, to an extent, but it's not responsible for creating the desire.
Personally, I am not a proponent of relationships, and I think anyone looking for one in this day and age is in for one hell of a rude awakening.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 14, 2019 20:29:54 GMT
If so many women expressed regrets and were actually in tears after sleeping with him, the problem went beyond mere pushiness. He was likely too rough with them in bed.
Yeah, I probably would have cut him off too---but I would have told him exactly why I was uncomfortable with what he said. He can't correct his behavior on future dates if he doesn't know what he did wrong.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 14, 2019 20:48:39 GMT
Personally, I am not a proponent of relationships, and I think anyone looking for one in this day and age is in for one hell of a rude awakening. I enjoy my own company. I'd like some companionship and someone to be there for but I won't be a good lil doggie and perform. I've practically given up and decided to put the exact same effort in most women I come across put in which is zero. I got decent amount of Women in my inbox on Plenty of faeces but not one is interesting whatsoever. Bland, no effort wastes of time. I really don't think I could live with someone again if this is the boring c***s that on offer.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 14, 2019 22:34:24 GMT
Sex outside of relationships has been around forever and will continue to exist. Has the internet made accessibility much easier? Sure, to an extent, but it's not responsible for creating the desire. Personally, I am not a proponent of relationships, and I think anyone looking for one in this day and age is in for one hell of a rude awakening. In my case the internet was responsible for creating the lack of desire. I think wanting just casual sex, or meaningful sex and more, could have something to do with age. I'm at a whole different point in life now at 61 than when I was younger, yet I have no desire to have a relationship, nor casual sex now either. It would have to be a pretty special connection for me to let another into my life, home, or knickers these days.
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Post by awesomejoe73 on Jun 14, 2019 23:19:10 GMT
Bingo. By being more accessible just more opportunities. Being invited into the home of a women I never met before is a kind of thing that would never happen before the internet. Before there be at least face time getting to know the person, regardless of how short a time frame(hours or days). But one thing consistent in my life personally is an invitation home usually means an opportunity for sex. I once met a gal on the subway platform at 2am in the morning coming back from hanging with my friends and eye contact and a short chat ending in being invited to her apartment to "hang out". A few beers and we danced...horizontally. I am sure plenty of men see that an invitation home leads to sex. Consistent regardless if it is a first time meeting or someone dating for a month. However, if I did it often and regret was expressed, then I am doing something wrong. Of course OP situation is different since he was "staying" over due to the geographic distance.
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Post by cinnamongirl on Jun 15, 2019 5:15:36 GMT
If so many women expressed regrets and were actually in tears after sleeping with him, the problem went beyond mere pushiness. He was likely too rough with them in bed. Yeah, I probably would have cut him off too---but I would have told him exactly why I was uncomfortable with what he said. He can't correct his behavior on future dates if he doesn't know what he did wrong. I don't think he has any desire to correct his behavior. I believe he thinks it is correct.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 15, 2019 18:18:59 GMT
If so many women expressed regrets and were actually in tears after sleeping with him, the problem went beyond mere pushiness. He was likely too rough with them in bed. Yeah, I probably would have cut him off too---but I would have told him exactly why I was uncomfortable with what he said. He can't correct his behavior on future dates if he doesn't know what he did wrong. I don't think he has any desire to correct his behavior. I believe he thinks it is correct. Perhaps not, but I think on some level he had to know that he was doing something wrong with these women. After all, he was the common denominator in all his dates. I hope for your sake, he's not the stalker type, since he now knows where you live.
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Post by cinnamongirl on Jun 16, 2019 15:35:07 GMT
I don't think he's the stalker type. On the site where we met, members can see every time another member views their profile. He was looking at mine daily, til I told him what I thought about what he'd said. After that, no more views from him.I'm sure he's on to his next potential conquest.
He did have some good aspects to his personality. I was really disappointed that he turned out to be a jerk. It seems it's nearly impossible to meet a good, normal person via OLD.
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Post by lovepanky on Jan 27, 2021 23:56:54 GMT
It's nice to hear women trusting men and men not always being doctor octopusses. I've had a few experiences, usually involving a flight, where at some point, me or them, offers to share their quarters with each other.
Hanky panky not always involved. Ok, sometimes!
Anyway, I'm glad you weren't penalized for being hospitable.
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