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Post by Deleted on Dec 9, 2019 0:12:58 GMT
I know lots of men with children who found someone immediately after a relationship with the mother of their children ended. Frankly, I think the timing is sometimes not quite believable with some and think that the next woman was already on board while the woman they had children with was still very much in the picture. Some of the situations I am familiar with involve children who are older and out of the house, but many involve children who are much younger. At the same timem, most of the women they end up with have children, so I am not sure that the children are considered baggage. I wouldn't limit yourself to only men with children. I know more than a few men in your age range who willingly took up with someone with children. I don't think it phases everyone the way you think it does. Absolutely, The other Woman was already on the scene.
Many people do this as they can't be on their own.
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Post by julystorm22 on Dec 10, 2019 5:55:39 GMT
One thing I feel pressure about though is that basically all the kidless men I've dated have been pretty clear about wanting their own kids ASAP and they are willing to be a stepdad so long as they get their own kids in the process. I get it but it worries me because I'm 36. I'm not going to just get pregnant with anyone right away. I really want to get to know someone first, including living with them, before I get pregnant but what if, at 38 or 39 I am infertile? And if I do things too quickly, there's a greater risk of us splitting up and then I'm back to Square 1 but this time with a 4th kid. I feel so much pressure with these kidless men but with guys who have kids, there isn't pressure because they aren't looking a me for procreation purposes.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 10, 2019 11:56:19 GMT
One thing I feel pressure about though is that basically all the kidless men I've dated have been pretty clear about wanting their own kids ASAP and they are willing to be a stepdad so long as they get their own kids in the process. I get it but it worries me because I'm 36. I'm not going to just get pregnant with anyone right away. I really want to get to know someone first, including living with them, before I get pregnant but what if, at 38 or 39 I am infertile? And if I do things too quickly, there's a greater risk of us splitting up and then I'm back to Square 1 but this time with a 4th kid. I feel so much pressure with these kidless men but with guys who have kids, there isn't pressure because they aren't looking a me for procreation purposes. All I can say is they can walk away. You can't so it's not their decision unless you're in a long term committed relationship but a having a kid ASAP. no way. Nobody likes to think things will go wrong but a lot of the time things do as people look through rose tinted glasses and think the sun shines out of their partners ass. If you add blatant ignorance regarding your partners faults which many do it's a recipe for disaster. Now look how if the worse thing was to happen how you'd cope financially. Not so great I guess.
A ex friend of mine(got rid of 8 or so weeks ago due to reasons) met a girl on a forum 4 years back and after 8 weeks of chatting on phone met up and decided to make a go of it. You read correctly. She had 3 kids at the time and within 2 to 3 months she was pregnant and it was his first. She was your age at the time. They both worked at my old place and they still do but aren't together anymore but in the beginning were making out they had this perfect thing in work and on facebook. However they didn't really know each other.
My Mum had me at 39 so and many Women have kids still in early 40's ... I won't date someone that wants children and hasn't had any and to meet someone and have children like that is a big no no.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 10, 2019 13:33:20 GMT
Aren’t there men your age group or a little older like low 40’s with jobs and children already, or don’t want to start having any of their own, and are not married, july? I would imagine with your beauty and age, and with your children, would give you quite a few potential men to choose from.
Personally starting a new family when children already exist, or blending families is a huge challenge too, so keeping things focused on either light dating if that’s what you want, or getting more serious over time sounds wise to me. And maybe your dates can help towards the cost of babysitting since it is so much these days.
I found three children so much more than two to raise, and I had a long gap before I had my third at age 36. But four would have been too much for me.
Some say get really clear what you want and that will help it manifest.
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Post by julystorm22 on Dec 10, 2019 14:26:31 GMT
My experience of POF is that those guys my age or a little older with kids are usually snapped up pretty quickly. And most are fresh off a big breakup so are usually not over their exes though that wouldn't stop me from dating them because those are the guys usually eager for another relationship and other ladies will snap them up before they are really in a good space to date. POF is full of single moms, I would say, based on what I've seen when doing a search of women in the area, that 95% of women in their 30s and 40s on there are single mothers while maybe 75% of the guys on there are childless never-married men. I don't live in a super-populated area and what I've noticed is that the single dads who show up on pof aren't there very long yet the unmarried kidless guys are there forever. And I've tried the kidless guys and they are just too much in a hurry.
Basically every single mom I know who has gotten another committed relationship with a guy (be he kidless or not) had a baby fairly quickly into the relationship. I am trying to think of a single mom who has gotten a committed relationship who didn't have a kid with the new guy and I just can't except for one and that was a mom who got with a guy who already had 3 kids (he had a vasectomy before they met).
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Post by Deleted on Dec 10, 2019 15:47:34 GMT
If you don't want any more children and 100% certain on it then Sterilisation is an option.
It is hard but as you see yourself babies popping out everywhere. However, there are Men out there that don't want any more children. My POF profile says I'm undecided but that's more in regards to say a lass like yourself having children.
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Post by julystorm22 on Dec 10, 2019 16:07:57 GMT
Spectra do you have kids? I can't remember.
Yes, I do see guys who aren't intent on having more but those guys get pounced on usually. For some reason, not a lot of single dads end up on POF. I think maybe there's way more single moms on there because they have less time and opportunity to go out to meet guys in real life
We are in an age group where the ability and willingness to have children (or additional children) is of major importance. Not wanting children or more children, pretty much depletes the pond for a woman. I am open to the idea of having another baby but I would need to have been with a guy for at least a year and a half.
Another reason I want a guy with kids is that he is already knowledgable (hopefully) of kids and understands the commitments needed and love someone has for their children. Guys without kids often get jealous or resent the time mothers take with their kids. Exceptions to the single dad requirement for me would be a guy who has a lot of experience working with kids or a guy who was a stepkid themself growing up. With my kids, my concern is that my 8 and 10 year-old daughters would be really difficult for a potential stepdad and a guy without kid-experience would be like a sitting duck for them. They need someone who can figure out the dynamics and handle kids.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 10, 2019 16:48:34 GMT
Spectra do you have kids? I can't remember. Yes, I do see guys who aren't intent on having more but those guys get pounced on usually. For some reason, not a lot of single dads end up on POF. I think maybe there's way more single moms on there because they have less time and opportunity to go out to meet guys in real life We are in an age group where the ability and willingness to have children (or additional children) is of major importance. Not wanting children or more children, pretty much depletes the pond for a woman. I am open to the idea of having another baby but I would need to have been with a guy for at least a year and a half. Another reason I want a guy with kids is that he is already knowledgable (hopefully) of kids and understands the commitments needed and love someone has for their children. Guys without kids often get jealous or resent the time mothers take with their kids. Exceptions to the single dad requirement for me would be a guy who has a lot of experience working with kids or a guy who was a stepkid themself growing up. With my kids, my concern is that my 8 and 10 year-old daughters would be really difficult for a potential stepdad and a guy without kid-experience would be like a sitting duck for them. They need someone who can figure out the dynamics and handle kids. Yeah, I have a 22 year old that is doing his Degree and working. I chat to him a fair bit but he is a busy bee. He stays at his mums as his bread is buttered nicely there and gets the place to himself quite a lot for study and doing his own thing. Xmas soon so will see him :)
As you can see I'm at a different stage at the moment. I have complete freedom to do whatever I like when I like so tiny patter of feet is very unlikely for me. Don't get me wrong. I loved it when my lad was very young . I do miss those days.
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Post by julystorm22 on Dec 10, 2019 16:55:11 GMT
Yes, you are in a different stage. The post-kids stage. My mom, who is 20 years older than me, also tried POF but she found that so many of the men around her age still have school age kids while her kids are all in their 30s.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 10, 2019 17:29:53 GMT
julystorm22 I see the exact same thing as your Mother on my side of the fence too. My filter is 58 or younger and many have Teenagers still. I was seeing a Woman whom now is 54 and her daughter would be 12 Maximum.
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Post by julystorm22 on Dec 10, 2019 20:04:35 GMT
That surprises me that there's so many women there that have kids at an older age. Most women I know are finished having kids by 30. Most parents at my kids' school are my age or younger. Parents who are in their late 40s stick out. I had my kids at age 24, 26 and 33.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 10, 2019 20:24:24 GMT
It is a weird one because seen I've 36 yr olds with children over 18 so obviously had them Young. One thing that would worry me about having offspring at my age would be the how long do I have left on the planet and as I get older the day draws closer and who knows what is around the corner.
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Post by julystorm22 on Dec 10, 2019 20:55:38 GMT
I wonder if it would be better to still be raising kids in my 50s. Less alone time. My mom was 43 when her last of three kids graduated high school and left home. She was depressed for a while with empty nest syndrome and ended up leaving my stepdad because he was boring and never wanted to go out and do anything. I know a girl at work who is 44 and the last of her kids just moved away. She says its pretty tough because her kids were her world. Watching her son's and daughter's hockey, softball, and soccer games were her social life and she really misses it. She says it makes her a lot more clingy with her boyfriend. I will be 51 when my youngest turns 18. Having another baby in 3 years would extend my child-at-home time till I was 57...
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Post by bendingbough19 on Dec 11, 2019 3:48:19 GMT
I know some women in their early 50s who still have teens at home. I know tons of women in their late 40s who still have teens and early 20s at home. And I know more than a few men in their 50s with VERY young children at home (elementary school and one even in kindergarten). It seems most people don't give these men a second glance about having such young children. I like to poke the bear (a few are friends) and I like to tease them with how old they will be when their youngest is in high school. I think in the situations I know, the young children helps keep them young. In terms of the women with children in their teens and 20s still at home, I find that they feel a weight of financial responsibility that doesn't seem quite equitable between them and their exes. The thing they all have in common, despite the stress some feel, is that seem genuinely happy. I agree that four children is a lot of children July. My mother had four but she stayed home her entire life. Working and juggling three or four children, especially when they are all young, seems quite daunting, especially if you are on your own. I know you have family support but I am not sure if they are still as geographically close and able to help the way they used to before you moved. I think there are plenty of men who would be happy to have both you and your children in their life. It may not be very easy to find that person in a small town though. I know I have said it before on POF, but if you ever want to apply on a government job in Regina that pays about 55,000 with benefits on top, let me know and I can send you some information privately. I am not saying it is the most desirable, but it often leads to more desirable jobs for those who work and are smart and I believe you are a good worker and I am certain you have the smarts.
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Post by julystorm22 on Dec 11, 2019 4:13:30 GMT
I wouldn't be in a hurry for a government job right now, not the way the current economy is going. If the Sask Party gets in again, which they probably will, in next year's election, a lot of government jobs will be on the chopping block. Plus I would never ever want to raise my kids in Regina. I live in a pretty good place for raising a family but yes, there are limitations. But having lived in a big city before (Winnipeg) I can say that the big city is even lonelier than a small town.
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