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Post by Deleted on Feb 5, 2020 3:01:44 GMT
Hey, there are plenty of women who are saying no to relationships too. True, and I love them with all my heart. They're not the majority, but there are enough that I don't ever have to worry about a drought, so to speak.If only that was an option for me locally. My mate has slept with quite a few of those around this way and he has pure herpes. When his face breaks out it is wow and his ex Mrs of 6 years was riddled too and had breath like she repeated ate a dogs arse out lol so wouldn't be surprised if he passed it on. I won't snog random Women out and about. One sure way to get a dose of that. Not got so don't want. It is for keeps.
90% on the NSA sites local are on POF anyway and looking for more.
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Post by julystorm22 on Feb 5, 2020 5:51:32 GMT
Well, I really want a relationship. I wish I didn't though. It would be so much easier to just say "F*** it" and embrace singledom. However, whenever I start to tell myself its unachievable I get really sad and depressed. I see my mom and my aunt and my brother and my cousin and countless other people I see all alone at my job doing home care and I don't want that to me. I want someone to share my life with. I want to have regular sex with someone I care about. I want to cook nice meals that someone appreciates and someone to chat with before bed and share how our day went.
I admit, I daydream about a guy "saving" me. The fact is, the idea of living with someone and having someone share the bills is really an attractive prospect. I am tired of always being broke and scrimping just to make ends meet. I want a partnership. I want someone to help me with my kids. But as soon as I start thinking about my kids I realize I'm being an idiot with my stupid daydreams. The fact is, I was dumb and picked someone awful and unreliable and unresponsible to have kids with and there's no one to blame but myself. I don't deserve to be in a relationship. And it's not any guy's responsibility to help me with kids that aren't his.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 5, 2020 9:41:04 GMT
True, and I love them with all my heart. They're not the majority, but there are enough that I don't ever have to worry about a drought, so to speak. If only that was an option for me locally. My mate has slept with quite a few of those around this way and he has pure herpes. When his face breaks out it is wow and his ex Mrs of 6 years was riddled too and had breath like she repeated ate a dogs arse out lol so wouldn't be surprised if he passed it on. I won't snog random Women out and about. One sure way to get a dose of that. Not got so don't want. It is for keeps.
90% on the NSA sites local are on POF anyway and looking for more.
hahaha, well, one does have to be careful, and it sounds like your friend wasn't.
Well, I really want a relationship. I wish I didn't though. It would be so much easier to just say "F*** it" and embrace singledom. However, whenever I start to tell myself its unachievable I get really sad and depressed. I see my mom and my aunt and my brother and my cousin and countless other people I see all alone at my job doing home care and I don't want that to me. I want someone to share my life with. I want to have regular sex with someone I care about. I want to cook nice meals that someone appreciates and someone to chat with before bed and share how our day went.
I admit, I daydream about a guy "saving" me. The fact is, the idea of living with someone and having someone share the bills is really an attractive prospect. I am tired of always being broke and scrimping just to make ends meet. I want a partnership. I want someone to help me with my kids. But as soon as I start thinking about my kids I realize I'm being an idiot with my stupid daydreams. The fact is, I was dumb and picked someone awful and unreliable and unresponsible to have kids with and there's no one to blame but myself. I don't deserve to be in a relationship. And it's not any guy's responsibility to help me with kids that aren't his.
I know my words will have little or no impact, but I'm going to unleash them anyway. All of this is highly appealing to you because you don't have it in your life right now, but believe me, if you did, the novelty eventually wears off.
Nearly everyone I know who has been married for a significant number of years or has been in a long term relationship spends their days stressed out, depressed, frustrated, angry and on the verge of collapsing from the pressure of having to keep someone else constantly happy. Some are very open with it and others cast the ''look at me, I'm living the dream!!" facade. Meanwhile, I don't have to deal with any of that shit and they all hate me for it.
Call me pessimistic, but "love" is a scam. It's merely a word associated with the feeling people have when they're getting everything they want out of you. Have you ever noticed how it typically ceases to exist when they're not getting everything they want from you?
I'm sure you have, and that's precisely why "love" is worth about a squirt of piss to me.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 5, 2020 14:44:19 GMT
The living the dream types are rarely living the dream. In fact, I can't remember anybody peddling that rubbish to everybody that is still together. I do know couples that have been together all my life and it has not always been clean sailing. Arguments and bickering a plenty. But they at least take their commitment towards each other seriously as in through thick or thin.
Today, People just have the replace attitude not realising love is just Chemical reaction. Dopamine. Every high has a come down to reality and people don't like reality all that much do they.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 5, 2020 16:17:00 GMT
Today, People just have the replace attitude not realising love is just Chemical reaction. Dopamine. Every high has a come down to reality and people don't like reality all that much do they. Bingo.
But we will always have the dreamers who insist it's a magical, fate-driven spell of unconditional devotion and loyalty...and I will always laugh at them.
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Post by julystorm22 on Feb 5, 2020 21:48:11 GMT
What good is there in being single? It's really lonely. There's a financial component to this too. Most single people, especially women because they tend to work lower-paying jobs, have a harder time building up savings, buying a home, going on vacations, etc. Most single women I know, even those that work fulltime and okay-paying jobs, don't have a lot of discretionary money. Couples, on the other hand, are able to have a lot more discretionary money because their combined income affords them such. They have money for things like holidays, retirement, furniture, etc. Also, having dual incomes offers much more stability, especially if a person loses their job or gets sick, because even if one income disappears there is still a backup income.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 5, 2020 22:07:04 GMT
^^^This is why women should be very careful who they choose to father their babies. Many forms of birth control out there. Use them.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 5, 2020 22:10:23 GMT
It isn't that lonely unless you dwell on stuff like that and being single means you can do anything at anytime without someone saying. where are you going and that just when you get up of the sofa go have a dump lmao. Am I feeling Lonely at this moment? Nah lol and if I did. I could phone a friend, my son, a family member, go online gaming playing on mic chatting, bake a cake or go out somewhere ;) No compromises needed. Well, no compromising myself constantly :)
Being lonely fades. Bad mistakes in choice of person not so easily.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 5, 2020 22:33:42 GMT
What good is there in being single? It's really lonely. There's a financial component to this too. Most single people, especially women because they tend to work lower-paying jobs, have a harder time building up savings, buying a home, going on vacations, etc. Most single women I know, even those that work fulltime and okay-paying jobs, don't have a lot of discretionary money. Couples, on the other hand, are able to have a lot more discretionary money because their combined income affords them such. They have money for things like holidays, retirement, furniture, etc. Also, having dual incomes offers much more stability, especially if a person loses their job or gets sick, because even if one income disappears there is still a backup income.
Well, we're on different different sides of the spectrum here. I don't need a woman's financial help.
What's good about being single? Oh, let's see...being able to do what you want, when you want, and how often you want with not a damn soul to consult about it. Could this be classified as selfish? It's debatable, but what isn't debatable is that I couldn't give a shit whether it is or not.
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Post by julystorm22 on Feb 6, 2020 0:01:58 GMT
What good is there in being single? It's really lonely. There's a financial component to this too. Most single people, especially women because they tend to work lower-paying jobs, have a harder time building up savings, buying a home, going on vacations, etc. Most single women I know, even those that work fulltime and okay-paying jobs, don't have a lot of discretionary money. Couples, on the other hand, are able to have a lot more discretionary money because their combined income affords them such. They have money for things like holidays, retirement, furniture, etc. Also, having dual incomes offers much more stability, especially if a person loses their job or gets sick, because even if one income disappears there is still a backup income.
Well, we're on different different sides of the spectrum here. I don't need a woman's financial help.
What's good about being single? Oh, let's see...being able to do what you want, when you want, and how often you want with not a damn soul to consult about it. Could this be classified as selfish? It's debatable, but what isn't debatable is that I couldn't give a shit whether it is or not. I guess that's maybe why I find it so sucky being single. I don't get to do what I want when I want. I am beholden to my kids, which is fine, but I wish I just got a little more me time...I do get to play soccer on Tuesday nights but I miss about 50% of my soccer games because I can't find a babysitter or I'm too broke to pay a babysitter or I have to work. Even though my relationship with my kids' dad sucked, I at least got to go grocery-shopping by myself occasionally or other things when we were together. My mom also watched my kids so I could go do things because my ex would watch the kids when I was at work so she'd watch my kids for non-work things. Now I work so much and my mom watches the kids so much while I work, so I can't ask her to watch them so I could go out and do something. And even if I had more me-time, I can't afford to do anything so... I get what your saying. I remember my single life, in my life before kids. I was single mostly until I was 24. I had a great social life, did a lot of things, and was seldom bored. I also had a lot of friends, good friends, back then. Now I have zero friends nearby. Something also to point out is that it's easier to be single when you have a lot of single friends. It's much more difficult to be the only single one surrounded by married people or people in couples which is my situation. That's why I really started hating single life when I was about 23 because I started to see a lot of friends settling down with guys and having kids and I felt left behind. I've tried to seek out other single moms to be my friends though but all I seem to find are women who do drugs or are welfare moms or who are intellectually different than me, or they are moms with a lot of money because they get good child support payments and got a house in their divorce. Maybe eventually I will find a person who fits with me to be my friend but for now I just feel intellectually alone. I'm not ever really alone, but I lack someone who I could have a stimulating conversation o the same level as me. My older two kids don't like me anymore (they think I'm lame and old and know nothing) and my 3-year-old, though a great cuddler who always says she loves me, isn't the best conversationalist.
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Post by cooldog65 on Feb 6, 2020 4:39:25 GMT
Well, I really want a relationship. I wish I didn't though. It would be so much easier to just say "F*** it" and embrace singledom. However, whenever I start to tell myself its unachievable I get really sad and depressed. I see my mom and my aunt and my brother and my cousin and countless other people I see all alone at my job doing home care and I don't want that to me. I want someone to share my life with. I want to have regular sex with someone I care about. I want to cook nice meals that someone appreciates and someone to chat with before bed and share how our day went. I admit, I daydream about a guy "saving" me. The fact is, the idea of living with someone and having someone share the bills is really an attractive prospect. I am tired of always being broke and scrimping just to make ends meet. I want a partnership. I want someone to help me with my kids. But as soon as I start thinking about my kids I realize I'm being an idiot with my stupid daydreams. The fact is, I was dumb and picked someone awful and unreliable and unresponsible to have kids with and there's no one to blame but myself. I don't deserve to be in a relationship. And it's not any guy's responsibility to help me with kids that aren't his. Kids are dream killers.
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Post by julystorm22 on Feb 6, 2020 5:35:17 GMT
Well, I really want a relationship. I wish I didn't though. It would be so much easier to just say "F*** it" and embrace singledom. However, whenever I start to tell myself its unachievable I get really sad and depressed. I see my mom and my aunt and my brother and my cousin and countless other people I see all alone at my job doing home care and I don't want that to me. I want someone to share my life with. I want to have regular sex with someone I care about. I want to cook nice meals that someone appreciates and someone to chat with before bed and share how our day went. I admit, I daydream about a guy "saving" me. The fact is, the idea of living with someone and having someone share the bills is really an attractive prospect. I am tired of always being broke and scrimping just to make ends meet. I want a partnership. I want someone to help me with my kids. But as soon as I start thinking about my kids I realize I'm being an idiot with my stupid daydreams. The fact is, I was dumb and picked someone awful and unreliable and unresponsible to have kids with and there's no one to blame but myself. I don't deserve to be in a relationship. And it's not any guy's responsibility to help me with kids that aren't his. Kids are dream killers.Nah, the dream killers are the partners who disappoint you. I wanted kids, I knew what being a parent would entail, but I wanted someone to be my partner in parenting. I was naive in thinking that my kids' dad would get his act together but I learned too late that expecting him to step it up was futile. I just really wanted to believe he could be better. What most upsets me about everything is that my kids do not have as good a quality of life as I did growing up and I can't give them those things. And even though I can see that it's wrong, I still fantasize about finding a partner who can be there to lean on. Sometimes I feel like I really need someone to lean on and tell me it's ok.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 6, 2020 5:38:28 GMT
Was writing same time, so this was in response to the posts above ^.
Kids are always a real challenge, whether single or in a couple, and I feel are the biggest strain on most relationships.
Also, to the idea of making better choices on who to have children with, I found you really can't tell what sort of parent someone is going to be with their own children on an every day for many years sort of timeline.
I love being single and it's been my choice to stay single for a long time, though I did have a two year relationship I ended two or three years ago, grateful to be single again. But even in a relationship, I wouldn't want anyone to live with me, or me with them full time again. I really enjoy my own company and appreciate not having to take another's ego into consideration, another's habits, wishes, needs, expectations. I like that I can make my own decisions and take responsibility for the consequences of them.
You speak of being lonely just with your children, july. I honestly was more lonely with my husband and children than without him. He had a way of keeping himself separate from us and I felt more of a single parent when I was married than afterwards in a strange way.
I was a single parent for many more years than I was married and it was hard, for sure. But I get the feeling from your posts, july, that you suffer from what I call 'the grass is always greener syndrome'. It really isn't. It sounds like you see what you imagine others' lives are and you imagine you want that. But nothing is ever what it appears like from the outside.
Also, you imagine financially you'd be so much better off with someone else to share the bills and costs of living. But I honestly found I had no more money when I was married than single. And I got no child support, so I'm not one who got help that way. It's just two people have more expenses than one, bigger home, more costs, food, transportation, etc. And as a single mum, when you start getting close with other divorced people, I found they often have children from their previous relationships they are paying for and have no money to help you.
The grass is always greener syndrome is a problem for everyone, but for you, july, I really recommend you turn your thinking around to start seeing what you are grateful for in your life. No one's life is easy, no matter what it looks like from the outside in. But gratitude is really important for everyone to appreciate their life because there is so much life to appreciate. Living it as a disappointment is no fun for anyone.
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Post by bendingbough19 on Feb 7, 2020 2:26:34 GMT
^^^ willow, I don't know that I completely agree that at least some others don't have an easy life but I get your point and agree, that things often seem one way, yet are completely different when you look below the surface. July, I think willow has a great way of expressing what I have felt about your perspective on relationship matters. As you know, a person can feel lonely while surrounded by others so a relationship wouldn't necessarily close the lonliness gap. Consider where you will be once you get beyond the initial high of the relationship and settle in to experience the frustrations of daily life together. As willow said, the grass is often not as green as it appears.
And I agree that a relationship would not necessarily ease all your financial burdens. At least as someone single, you have complete control over what you deem to be your financial priorities. Another party at the table may have very different priorities from you and you would not necessarily be better off. And like willow said, there can be more expenses with two adults in the household. For example, I cannot think of even one couple who don't both have a vehicle. Also, at a certain point, most adults have children from other relationships and may not have a lot of extra cash even if they had the same financial priorities as you. I am single and have been for several years. There was a time when I tried to pursue relationships, but at some point I was able to recognize what a waste of time and energy that was, at least for me. I have an extremely low tolerance for what I view as nonsense. Staying single has provided me with a more peaceful life in which I can focus on things important to me. It has also afforded me a clearer perspective on the importance of friendships and I am grateful that I have been able to cultivate both more and deeper friendships since being single than I ever did while either married or in other long-term relationships.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 7, 2020 5:54:33 GMT
Well, we're on different different sides of the spectrum here. I don't need a woman's financial help.
What's good about being single? Oh, let's see...being able to do what you want, when you want, and how often you want with not a damn soul to consult about it. Could this be classified as selfish? It's debatable, but what isn't debatable is that I couldn't give a shit whether it is or not. I'm not ever really alone, but I lack someone who I could have a stimulating conversation o the same level as me. My older two kids don't like me anymore (they think I'm lame and old and know nothing) and my 3-year-old, though a great cuddler who always says she loves me, isn't the best conversationalist. That's another area where we differ. I can choose when I am alone or not, but as far as "loneliness" goes, I don't even know if it registers with me anymore and I am thankful. Loneliness comes with vulnerability and people are more susceptible to allowing garbage human beings into their lives to fill the void.
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