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Post by julystorm22 on Dec 21, 2019 23:08:33 GMT
Do you have close friends? If so, how did you meet and how long have you been friends?
These days I really wish I had close friends my age, somebody else with kids. Preferably single. I have a lot of acquaintances I might call friends but no one I would consider close. I have really good friends that live far away but we've faded from each other over time. Someone who I could invite over for a cup of coffee and have our kids play together would be awesome.
I always hoped my kids would make friends with other kids who had moms I could maybe try and be friends with. However, my one daughter's best friends all come from kind of broken homes, two are sisters being raised by a recovering drug addict who isn't the friendliest and is always mooching off me to give rides to her kids and keep her kids for the night, and her other friend is being raised by grandparents. My other daughter's best friend's mom I thought I was becoming friends with but when I wouldn't join her weightloss group for the company she works for (due to the cost of membership) she kind of dropped me and I realized she had only been friendly to me because I was a potential customer. I did have a friend who I thought was becoming a closer friend but then my daughter decided to be a jerk to her daughter and that ended that.
I also thought of joining things to make friends. I tried rec soccer league but it's mostly guys (one or two women on each team) and we don't really visit while playing. And I am in TOPS but it's mostly older women who are great but definitely in a different chapter of their life. Same thing when I tried volunteering at church, I got put in a group with older people which was fine, just not a group for me to find the friend I want. I also go to the walking track a lot when I work evenings and my youngest is in play school but I haven't found a friend there.
I work kind of independently and the other women I work with are all older or married. I'm not against having a married friend but it's tough because they seem to already have friends.
We don't have meetup groups around here. On e upon a time it was so easy to find friends but that was my life before kids. If you have kids, did you find it harder to make friends or was it easy? I sure hope I can figure this out. I wish there were sites like POF except dedicated to finding friends in my experience the best way to make friends is to find someone who is also looking for friends.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 21, 2019 23:39:33 GMT
I work kind of independently and the other women I work with are all older or married. I'm not against having a married friend but it's tough because they seem to already have friends. This here could be a good avenue to get yourself mingling with others. If you speak to one more than others. Invite them around for a coffee. In time you could meet more people from her group of friends. Oh and married people do have family members that are single at times :)
I have more of acquaintances at my age. I have tried to be good friends with people supporting them in break up etc. But it seems to me that it is one sided most of the time. Also people have lives to live and kids so got things on their plate. However, I feel like I'm making excuses. One so called close friend hasn't been in touch since June and always me being the one to contact so couldn't give 2 F's now. He knows where I am. I won't lose sleep.
I supported this guy beyond what was called for as he had a past with addiction namely Heroin and Beer so when his relationship fell apart I helped to keep him afloat. well, tried at least. He was initially a work colleague.
Got rid of a so called friend lately as only hear from him when he wanted something or felt like I was an after thought. I'd message. Have you got your lad tonight and he'd not reply. That was @ 5:30pm. I'd hear from him at midnight pissed up wanting a beer and even a lass I was chatting up said. If he such a good friend where has he been all night and I replied I had the same thought.
H e turned up and ruined my night and I told him this and the tit had the audacity to shout I couldn't give a fuck about you. The look on his face after he said it was priceless as his mouth opened before thinking. I just shook my head. But wasn't surprised. H e was extremely drunk and shouting abuse at Taxi passing us. The following night I got a text saying I think I remember seeing you last night so I messaged back told him what happened then proceeded to tell him go fuck himself. Not heard from him since. I considered this fake guy a friend.
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Post by julystorm22 on Dec 22, 2019 1:13:55 GMT
It's tough. Sometimes the friends available to you are really not the ones you want. Like the guy you are talking about.
Because I work at home care, I really don't actually work much with the other ladies at my job unless we have a client that requires two of us. Many of them are on my Facebook but we are acquaintances at best. I am kind of disappointed I missed the work Christmas parties 4 years in a row because I was scheduled to work, everyone seemed to have fun and it would have been nice to get to know people better.
There is one lady who lives nearby who I actually like although ours kids don't get along. She's single too and we have a lot in common. I'm thinking of asking her for coffee if her kids are gone at all at the same time as mine. Mayhap I'll shoot her a quick message now. This is actually much scarier for me than talking to a guy.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 22, 2019 1:25:45 GMT
I'd shoot her a message. A chance the kids of hers go to their pops this Xmas.
As for friends. I'd rather have none than like the guy I mentioned. My main friend is always working and with the kids and his Mrs. We met at college 20 years ago And have been friends since. It was an instant friendship.
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Post by julystorm22 on Dec 22, 2019 1:54:30 GMT
Ah, instant friendships are the best. Most of my best friendships were instant friendships. 4 of my 5 best friends ever were instant friends:
Best Friend #1 - Met the first day of kindergarten, our last names started with the same letter so our coat cubbies were together, I still remember the teacher introducing us. We were instant friends and stayed so till I moved away at age 17. Then we faded. A wedding invitation failed to get to me (she sent it to my dad's snail mail and he forgot to give it to me as I lived away from home) and she hadn't asked me to be part of the wedding party which also hurt so I thought she didn't want to be friends. I ran into her dad when I was about 23 and he gave me her number and we talked for hours. I phoned once, left my number and was hoping she'd phone me back but never did. Ran into her in Costco two years ago, we had a long convo there, she told me to stop by if I was ever back in the city but I wasn't there at the right time to visit ever.
Best Friend #2 - Met in Grade 9 the first day of school after I changed schools. We fought every second day but we were great friends. She moved away at the end of the school year.
Best Friend #3 - (Not Instant Friends) Met through my second best friend. After our mutual friend moved away, we gradually became best friends but unbeknownst to me, she ended up going into foster care far away when she was 16 because her mom, who had married a JW and converted, disowned her because she refused to convert. I actually didn't know what happened to her until years later when I found her on Facebook and she was married with 5 kids.
Best Friend #4 - Met in first year of university on our first day living in residence. She didn't know how to use the coin dispenser in the laundry room. We became such good friends. She lives a few hours away. I see her occasionally but we seldom talk. She is happily married with two kids and busy like me
Best Friend #5 - Met in first year of university on our first day living in residence. Instant friends. I was in her wedding party back in 2006. She married a military man and moved far away. I went out to visit her once after she had her first kid in 2008. We stay in contact through Facebook but I haven't seen her since.
Sorry, I know no one wants my life story. But I'm so bored right now. Every one of my family members is busy tonight.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 22, 2019 13:43:59 GMT
Try a weekly local yoga or dance class where often women are the majority of the members. Some are almost affordable too. The beginning classes sometimes have younger people too.
I found my best friend when my youngest was a young baby walking through the stannary market in my town when she was heavily pregnant. Instant mutual connection and turned out we were both single mums. We were buddies those first few years, then I moved back to the States and we see each other now only once every couple of years, and only briefly, but the connection is still exactly the same and timeless it seems. Finally she came and stayed with me for a two weeks this past Fall and that was a mutual super treat.
I found other friends when my children were young attending playgroups with them where the mums could come. Obviously your children are older now, but I would look into school programs for adults, like classes they offer that are not expensive in the high school, for example. This could lead you to new possible friendships.
Walking groups, art classes, volunteereering at your local theatre to be an usher even could bring unexpected connections. It’s the people contact it sounds like you crave and need. Working and mothering only can be tough with nothing else. Find something you like to do for leisure and like minded people might be there too for you, also looking for a friend. It gets harder for everyone I think as you get older to see others also are in the same boat as you.
Just thought of one more. Over the holidays churches often offer meals for people who don’t have families to be with on Christmas. You could volunteer there and meet others who are also volunteering. You never know where it will happen. It’s a lot like meeting someone you like romantically. But many people are looking for friends and often age doesn’t matter as much when you get older. My best friend is 13 years younger than me (and in another country).
Last thought as I have to get to work... Christmas carolling. Here groups of strangers gather to do it and it’s fun and joyful and touches the heart too. Could be an avenue for friendships for you.
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Post by julystorm22 on Dec 22, 2019 16:20:23 GMT
Joining classes isn't an option due to budget. It's not just the fees but it's also paying a babysitter. Any activities I do basically has to include my 3-year-old. I've kept hoping that I would be able to make a friend through one of my kid's friends with their parents but it hasn't happened yet. I also take her to the park a lot in summer but again, nothing as materialized even though I've tried. Maybe I'm just too desperate.
I love to Christmas carol. Used to do it years ago but they don't have any caroling groups here.
I volunteered to coach our 4H curling club this year but two of the dads kind of took over. I also volunteered to coach my kids' soccer teams in both winter and spring last year which I enjoyed. I've volunteered to chaperone activities too.
I guess I'm just gonna have to wait until it happens. Eventually it should. Timing is everything. And in another year, it won't be so hard to go out for an evening here or there. My oldest daughter has already volunteered to babysit for cheap and by then she'll be old enough to watch her sisters for a couple hours here or there. I can actually go to things here instead of declining because I can't find a babysitter or pay $50 to one for an evening out
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Post by Deleted on Dec 22, 2019 16:36:40 GMT
Joining classes isn't an option due to budget. It's not just the fees but it's also paying a babysitter. Any activities I do basically has to include my 3-year-old. I've kept hoping that I would be able to make a friend through one of my kid's friends with their parents but it hasn't happened yet. I also take her to the park a lot in summer but again, nothing as materialized even though I've tried. Maybe I'm just too desperate. I love to Christmas carol. Used to do it years ago but they don't have any caroling groups here. I volunteered to coach our 4H curling club this year but two of the dads kind of took over. I also volunteered to coach my kids' soccer teams in both winter and spring last year which I enjoyed. I've volunteered to chaperone activities too. I guess I'm just gonna have to wait until it happens. Eventually it should. Timing is everything. And in another year, it won't be so hard to go out for an evening here or there. My oldest daughter has already volunteered to babysit for cheap and by then she'll be old enough to watch her sisters for a couple hours here or there. I can actually go to things here instead of declining because I can't find a babysitter or pay $50 to one for an evening out Couldn't your Mother like Babysit her Grandkids?
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Post by julystorm22 on Dec 22, 2019 19:44:41 GMT
She babysits so often when I work and she does have a busy life of her own so I've agreed to only ask for when I work. All the evenings and weekends I work makes things a bit more difficult.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 24, 2019 3:29:11 GMT
It's definitely more difficult to make friends from scratch the older you get...because in general the older you are, the higher probability others already have an established network of friends and therefore, don't need any new friends. Or don't have the time. So better start now. Best to join clubs, activities, etc. etc. and don't despair if it takes awhile. Or look up old friends you've lost touch with. Most importantly, you need to have the courage to put yourself out there, risk rejection. It'll pay off, eventually.
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Post by julystorm22 on Dec 24, 2019 4:16:55 GMT
Yes, the best scenario would be to find someone who is also looking for a friend. I'm afraid that's why I get drawn back to POF all the time because it is full of guys also looking for someone to talk to.
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Post by cbgb77 on Dec 28, 2019 20:51:11 GMT
Yes, the best scenario would be to find someone who is also looking for a friend. I'm afraid that's why I get drawn back to POF all the time because it is full of guys also looking for someone to talk to. I have a close friend that I met through Okcupid. I met her 4 years ago and at first we dated for awhile but it turned into a friendship.
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Post by julystorm22 on Feb 11, 2020 5:47:03 GMT
So many evenings I think to myself that I should phone someone but who...For years and years it was my dad I phoned many a night but he passed away in June and I find myself really missing him at times. I've been spending a lot of time on Facebook these evenings , pretending I'm actually socializing.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 11, 2020 12:30:44 GMT
So many evenings I think to myself that I should phone someone but who...For years and years it was my dad I phoned many a night but he passed away in June and I find myself really missing him at times. I've been spending a lot of time on Facebook these evenings , pretending I'm actually socializing. Seriously, Be careful of Facebook. You could look at events on it locally and see whats around. Might be things the kids can go to with you so you can socialise.
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Post by julystorm22 on Feb 11, 2020 16:54:42 GMT
So many evenings I think to myself that I should phone someone but who...For years and years it was my dad I phoned many a night but he passed away in June and I find myself really missing him at times. I've been spending a lot of time on Facebook these evenings , pretending I'm actually socializing. Seriously, Be careful of Facebook. You could look at events on it locally and see whats around. Might be things the kids can go to with you so you can socialise. That's usually my thought. Went to the family valentine's dance at my kids' school (it's an annual event) and didn't see any other parents I really knew. I sat and watched the kids, danced to a couple songs with them (notably The Bird Dance and Macarena)and basically sat at a table and watched them run around with their friends for most of 3 hours. I saw a lot of other parents on their cellphones and it really bugs me. Years ago, a person used to go to these types of things and visit with each other. Now everyone is so insular. I sat by one woman I kind of knew and tried to start up a conversation but she really didn't seem to want to talk, she was on her phone and then she went and started talking to someone at another table.
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